Having trawled the internet for the better part of the year, (before I actually had serious work to do), I realised I have probably met an alarming list of internet jargons. Here, I consider the relative merits of some more notable ones :

1. Omission of vowels. Pretty understandable, given how slow some people actually type, but still.

2. Tml. I mean, seriously? How is tomorrow, tml? Tmr, maybe, but with an L? It baffles the mind - there just isn't an L there, no matter how hard I tried. Someone please explain.

3. Wut/Wat? For God's sake. 'What' has one extra letter. Even if you are one of those who can't type supercalifragilistic before Kingdom comes, one extra letter still wouldn't make much of a difference. In case anyone has any difficulty locating H, its actually right in the middle. Not too hard at all.

4. Sk8? I must say, pretty creative. Also, it saves three letters, which is considerably better than tml. Weirdly, tml is more of a mainstream fixture.

5. Roflmao. Funny thing is, considering how often you actually see that phrase, I have yet to actually roll on the floor laughing from anything someone says over the net. I wonder if I am stoically impervious to internet humour.

A new post. Where should I start.

Perhaps I should draw fleeting mention to the fact that this blog is headed into its third year. Lofty milestone, if you consider the fact that it started off partially as a joke.

Somewhere along the way there was a subtle change in texture - the prose is slightly less ostentatious, there is less implicit smugness.

The posts have slowed to a trickle, but that's maybe because we are past that age where we feel comfortable sharing our musings on an open space.

Otherwise nothing much has changed, in this rather languid corner of cyberspace - we are still stuck repeating the same routines, imbibing the same beliefs, and generally bustling on with out very busy, but rather pointless lives.

For the lulz

The truth is, after a while, you realise that you are all alone, and that whatever you thought you shared with someone else is only an illusion for the infinitesimally small period of time you were both in sync. Then you move on with your lives, and you lose touch and never quite meet each other the same way again, because you are both traveling relentlessly on your own straight lines.

Thinking can be a luxury. Sometimes you just have to suck it in and tell yourself you will revisit it at a later date, in a time appropriate for regret. You swallow it and move on and you don't look back, or think and it wells up inside you until one day it all comes back to you, as it did to me today. I ended up grinning rather stupidly - the pointlessness, the absurdity of taking myself so seriously, sort of sunk in, and for a brief moment or two, all was right.

Life is a comedy, and rightly so, if only for farcical moments like these.

Elope with me Ms private
And we'll sail around the world

I know I should be updating a lot more, since there is obviously plenty I could be writing about, but there isn't much, really.

Discounting dreary topics like the weather, people and food, university life just is. There is no point making a big fuss of things because I will be back in about a month's time. It is strangely unremarkable - and if studying in Cambridge is supposed to grant one a sudden sense of renewed enthusiasm, I must confess to being more than a little disappointed. Things have been as they always are, so there isn't really much I could be blogging about at the moment.

It might also be because I have lots of work here.

I guess at the end of the day, it all boils down to the fact that I am a stayer, not a leaver.

I had the occasion to use my graphic display calculator today. We aren't supposed to use that here, but no matter.

I found that the last function I plotted was still there, undeleted. It looks vaguely familiar, maybe something I did during the IB exams.

That was a year ago.

One flew west..

One flew east, one flew west, and one flew over the cuckoo's nest...

I wish I could come up with something delightfully clever to say before I leave; but my mind is drawing blanks.

At the end of the day, I guess there isn't very much to say in the first place, something I noted awhile back, a pretty long time ago.

Drawn out goodbyes with friends and family is somewhat unnecessary, seeing as I will be back before the turn of the year. True, things might never be much the same again, but, not much.

But to those whom I have missed out, in thoughts or action, to those who meant something to me in the past, and for that reason, if for nothing else, will continue to mean something to me in the future, to those with whom I have shared a smile along the doorways, a drink in company, or a heartfelt thought, but whom I have never had the occasion to see again - goodbye, and godbless.

This blog is starting to degenerate into a convenient space for the co-authors to post thoughts they are too lazy to properly articulate, in the guise of a discussion. Am pretty sure that if we thought about it carefully, there would not be two sides to it - I could go on but I think our current fixation on the same problem is somewhat unhealthy.

I am leaving for the UK in three days time, a fact that, blissfully, has yet to sink in. That's okay, because I will have lots of time during that interminably long flight there for it to sink in. That is also the reason why I have yet to start on the Maths booklet i received sometime last month - it would make my trip somewhat less boring, hence procrastination is justified (QED).

Am not really in the mood to do anything these couple of days, 'cept to sit around and wait. Its sort of like waiting out a class you are stuck in, really, although the reversal of my current situation constitutes somewhat cruel irony.

woot im back.

to my split personality and faithful readers, here's my take on why its half.

Based on the assumption that the host has no prior knowledge of what is behind each door (i.e. he does NOT know where the car is), and discounting the scenario where he opens the door with the car, i argue that the probability for the contestant now switches to half.

Since the host does not know where the car is, by opening one door, he is effectively resetting the problem for the contestant - one that has only has two options instead of three. Consider this, in the original Monty Hall problem, there is a 2:1 ratio of scenarios whereby the host opens door B in favour of switching. But in this variant, it is a 1:1 ratio.

I know this isn't the most convincing of answers, i've still yet to find out figure out how the host's knowledge (or lack of) affects the problem, but i do know (intuitively) that it has something to do with the ratio of scenarios. I understand that this "variant" is rather far-fetched, as it discounts the probability that the host opens the door with the car (1/3 chance!!), hence it is rather lacking still..
I'll be back with more substantial reasoning, dont worry.


On a lighter note, im back!! Yes i know i've been MIA for a long while, many thanks to my split personality who has almost staked a claim for full ownership of this blog. i've been doing alright in the land of the conscripts, enjoying (or rather, trying to) National Slavery. No matter, 13 more months and im gone.

Am quite sure that the previous example would result in a 2/3 probability in favour of switching even if the host doesn't know. The thing is, the host effectively has one choice, because if he will always have another chance to choose the correct, empty door before the curtains are open, which is practically similar to prior knowledge (sort of...heh).

Thing is, assuming that he chooses the right door on his first try, then the situation is practically similar to him stumbling onto the right answer, sans curtain. The answer my friend suggested seems to imply that the different instances in which the i)host gets it correct on the first try, and ii) the host gets it correct on the second one, will give different odds for the player.

It may be well to argue that the knowledge for case ii) might change the odds.

In case i) the host is 2/3 certain that the other unopened door has the prize, whereas in case ii) the position of the prize door would be known to the host. However, I have yet to grapple with how this affects the player, since he could not possibly know that.

Am getting unnecessarily worked up.

Sorry for appearing to be perpetually stuck on the same problem, but my split personality brought it up - I didn't have a choice. Anyway, for the benefit of those new here, I am referring (again!) to the Monty Hall problem.

My friend argues that switching gives you fair odds if the host doesn't know what is behind the door. I have yet to wrap my brain around this slightly counter-intuitive claim; I do not claim that he is wrong, only that there is a fairly problematic hypothetical situation. Anyway, it is entirely probable that I may have left out something somewhere, so thoughts are appreciated.

Assume there is a host and three doors, one of which contains the prize, only that this time, he is behind drawn curtains. It is not known whether the host has prior knowledge of what lies behind the doors. The game is rigged such that if the host doesn't know, the instances where he opens the prize door are not revealed to the player. So, (assuming there is a case in which the host has knowledge, and one in which he doesn't) in both cases, the instances revealed to the player is when he makes his initial choice and the host opens an empty door.

Am unsure whether there would still be a difference in the outcomes of switching between the two cases. Would be very, very surprised if there is.

My hols weren't supposed to end this way.

Actually, in an ideal world, they weren't supposed to end at all.

Source : xkcd.com


I am getting lazy. I know.

I am feeling slightly wearied, cynical and utterly futile. These are times when you look at everything you have done and you feel like trashing them - I considered deleting the blog but decided against it because I couldn't figure out how to save it in case I have a change of mind later on. In any case, I figured that deleting the blog would just further decimate readership, which won't do at all.

I get this feeling halfway through games - it comes when the gameplay loses its novelty, and when you have stared at the screen for too long, when you roughly know what is coming up, but you aren't exactly looking forward to it and its too much of a hassle to find out. I always quit games like these, consequence being that I have never actually finished a game before - I usually lose interest or it gets too damn difficult before I do.


I'm hoping life gets nowhere near as difficult as games.

Will be leaving for HK in less than twelve hours time.

Hoping for my own sake that this would turn out to be the memorable thing I always wanted to do all summer.

Some thoughts on trying to resolve yesterday's problems intuitively, without having to resort to Bayes' theorem, which takes the fun out of everything.

The original Monty Hall seems less counter-intuitive this way : Because the host has to open an empty door after your initial choice, switching doors will always give you the contrary result (try a tree diagram it helps). Since there is a 2/3 chance of getting it wrong the first time, switching gives you a 2/3 chance of getting it right. You are betting against your first choice, really.

The three-card swindle seems much easier to resolve intuitively, without knowledge of conditional probability. If you open a black card (or red) and bet that the other card is black (or red) as well, you are essentially betting that the two cards are suited. That happens 2/3 of the time (because there are two suited pairs, as opposed to a mixed one).

I just watched 21 and there was brief mention of the Monty Hall problem.

Ben's answer to the reverse psychology question was inadequate - if the gameshow host is capable of trying to psyche contestants out of the right choice, it would appear that statistics do not 'back him up'. In fact, assuming that it is in the interest of the host to try prevent the contestant from winning, and if he does not have to open an empty door regardless of the contestant's choice (reverse psychology seems to be an irrelevant issue if he has to, since his choices would be effectively determined by the contestant's choice), then switching would always result in the wrong door.

It would be interesting to consider the possibility of the host accidentally opening an empty door, i.e, he has no prior knowledge of what is behind each door.At the moment, I am veering towards thinking that it is even chance before the host opens the door because the 1/3 probability that the host would open the door containing the prize would correct for the additional 33% but it would be essentially the same (i.e 66%) once the empty door is open, regardless of the host's knowledge.


The answer suggested is that, in this case, it does not matter if he switches because it is an even chance but that seems slightly counter-intuitive. I haven't gotten down to working in on paper yet. Thoughts, anyone?

I finally realised that I could watch Batman Begins on youtube and it suddenly starts to take a fucking age to load the clips. Bloody hell.

It's unbelievable how much poker we have been playing over the past few months given the fact that it is really, a pretty boring game. Given that you are supposed to play less than 30% of hands pre-flop in a full table and hands connect on the flop about one third the time, that means you only play 10% post flop. So you are actually only playing 6 minutes for every hour on the table. You are not going to win every hand you get involved in, and since you are probably going to only enjoy the moments when you actually win a pot, that means you will probably enjoy five seconds of every hour.

I was flipping through the papers today and was totally appalled by the movie review section. Dark Knight was, understandably, given five stars, but while all other movies had semi-decent reviews, the Dark Knight's resembled something written by a mentally defective two year old. I quote:

'Ladies and gentlemen, the year's cinematic juggernaut has arrived. If you see only one film this year, then this must be it. The Dark Knight has my vote for the film of the year. If you miss it, then I feel very sorry for you. So sorry. Very sorry.

I'm sorry, am I being condescending? Sorry.'

And that was it. Apart from the obvious fact that whoever wrote it has the language proficiency and vocabulary of a three year old (sorry, one supposes, being the latest word learnt and hence the repetitive and totally incomprehensible use of it), it has that intolerable smugness of a piece of writing that supposes itself to be witty, but is actually, to put it lightly, crap.

How on earth did that get published ?

Awwwwwwwww...

I know this is unprecedented, but I am feeling rather lazy and the comics are pretty good. Only if you happen to be a science nerd though. If you aren't, uhm, well, you probably shouldn't be here anyway.






Source : xkcd.com

Yes, The Dark Knight was good. Yes, Heath Ledger played the Joker brilliantly. And yes, we all agree 'Why so serious' is rather gruesomely memorable.

But seriously, stop quoting it on your msn nicks already.

I need to cut down on eating. I think I am starting to look a little tubby lately.

Goodbyes should be short, quick and not at all pleasant.

There's a reason why the goodbyes are being said, after all.

I had an encounter with someone with totally appalling manners. And it wasn't that I ran into someone on the streets who swore at me for no reason - it was actually someone I have known for quite a while now.

I had a terrible urge to dash an equally rude email back, to parry and then riposte. There was this urgent, suffocating need to cut back, and cut deeper; I knew it would be easier if I just left this whole thing alone and walked away, but it took a huge effort of will not to write back.

And then, I never thought it possible, but for some reason, something clicked and it all became terribly trivial. There was a huge relief, when I realised I could just do nothing, and walk away, none the poorer.

So I did. I walked away, and I'm walking, still.

I have been toying with the idea of changing subjects when I am in Cambridge. Natural Sciences sounds terribly boring and no one interesting that I know of ever graduated with a degree in Natural Sciences from Cambridge - they all have pretty exotic degrees.

Bertrand Russell read Mathematics. Stephen Fry did English literature. You can argue that Stephen Hawking might give the occasional lecture on that subject (he is actually a professor of mathematics apparently), but he actually studied in Oxford, so that doesn't count. And Newton was in the university before they actually had Natural Sciences, I think. Hugh Laurie did anthropology and archeology.

James Bond has a degree in Oriental Studies.

Triede tidying up the blog, and ended up browsing through old posts. Realized that Blogger saves every abandoned draft, hence I have been deceived into thinking that I have been more a prolific blogger than I really am.

Also noted : Some horribly titled posts, i.e., the first few ones. In my defense they were not all written by me. Idlephotos? Jesus, what were we thinking?

Bleagh. The new internet connection that I have over here in Malaysia is still slightly slower than the one I had back in Singapore.

The fact that I will be leaving in a coupld of months time has got me thinking recently ( I know I have been complaining about my brain turning to mush lately, but cerebration is still possible ).

I realised that my four years at a-certain-school is actually the longest period of time I spent in one particular institution. I have been to two primary school, two secondary ones, and am probably going to spend the next four years at another institution. I look back but there isn't a single one I can totally identify with.

I have friends on both sides of the straits who can claim to be thoroughbreds of their respective institutions, but such strong sense of identity has always eluded me - I am a product of one, nipped at the bud and grafted onto another, but I can't really tell which one I am.

I wonder if I am the only one who feels this way.

Sometime after the exams at the end of last year, I realised that I will be terribly free for the next few months, so I drew up a list of things-to-do, in my mind.

I have about three months left, and I feel horribly unaccomplished, having done nothing of what I intended to in the first place. Admittedly, bumming the better part away was somewhere near the top of the list, but I distinctly remember there were lots of other stuff too. Bummer.

Whats up with Shell =s

Its bad enough that they rejected me, do they have to send me a rejection letter every other week? I received my second one this morning, and am praying very hard that my third one will be on time next week.

I mean, yeah I get the point. You don't have to rub it in.

I think I can explain the recent dearth of posts on this blog.

As silly as this may sound, I actually think that this extremely long break from work is starting to strain. I know I will change my mind the minute I get to Cambridge and have work start to pile up again, but at this present moment, I am more or less tired of this unending break. The first few months were really fun and it was good to have nothing to do for a change, but I am starting to fatigue from having to cope with doing nothing meaningful for the past six months.

I wouldn't tag myself a compulsive worker, as evidenced by the fact that I have yet to do any serious reading that might aid me in university but I need something to look forward to, or at the very least, define my day. I don't remember ever looking forward to classes back in school, but at least it was comforting to know that there will be classes from 7 to 4 five days a week, and two days of blissful rest. Right now, my days are pretty much undifferentiated slabs of time, with the occasional eventful period ( i.e. going to Singapore ). Even poker sessions and sisha are starting to get tiresome, because there are so many plays you can make with a hand. And I really don't want to die young.

Blogging becomes exceptionally difficult, as such, because that means I have to sift through the laze for bits that are worth committing to words. Hopefully, things will start to look up in the next month or so.

P.S. Turns out I did not need to cancel the class on probability. The students did, on their own accord.

Today blew.

The lecture sucked big time because I made myself look like a complete douchebag. I couldn't seem to do my algebra properly, couldn't subtract, and got my x and y-axes wrong. As if that didn't already sound like a fucking farce, I had to choose a topic that I never did in Singapore. Its either a severe case of performance anxiety, or my brain is really comatose.

And to top it off, I had a bitch of a poker game. Fuck the odds, they don't work anyway because there is no other way someone who calls blind can still bust me. Four separate times.

I might call off next week's class on probability.

I have developed a shocking inability to stay focussed for more than two minutes. This made preparing for lessons considerably tougher than I thought.

Still, the fact that I get to use the lecture hall makes it worth it.

Fuck you Maths. More specifically, STPM maths.

I spent the better part of the day trying to figure out stuff that looks vaguely like what we did back in Sec 4. Strangely, I am finding it extremely difficult, even when it is just mainly algebraic manipulation, which brings me to the another point - why is there such a hugeload of algebraic manipulation in the first place?! It is one thing to have it in the syllabus, and quite another to make the whole chapter nothing but an elaborate exercise in intellectual masturbation.

I have not been so upset about being unable to solve problems for a really long time. It is annoying, to say the least, although, on some levels, rather fun.

I am rationing my supply of Friends. I am already in Season 3 ( I started watching two days ago ) and I figured it won't do to go through it so quickly, cause that means I will just be bored again.

I figured that three days per season is a healthy pace, because it means that I can make the whole ten seasons last a month, by which time most of my UK friends will be back. Problem is I am going at roughly three times that speed at present.

Also my friend dropped a bombshell because I thought the whole ten seasons are on Youtube, but it turns out that the series has only been uploaded till season 4. Right now, I have about a 1-day-reserve before supply runs out, and I have to think of something. Quick.

Why can't Friends load properly? =(

Just got back from China.

The first few days were dreadful because of the weather - it was freezing up there. THe thing was, I thought it was going to be warm since its summer, so I packed shorts and tees - I realized that wasn't very smart halfway through the trip when I saw frozen puddles when we were on the peak. The locals seemed very amused though, although its easy to understand why I do not find it that funny.

Met up with Xunan on the last day, and that more or less made up for the six days of rubbish food and awful weather.

In case you did not already know, I'll update you on the final score, which was that Man Utd won.
No matter that they put me through the ordeal of watching them miss easy chances when they really should score. Or that Ronaldo missed his spotkick and Chelsea left it to the last before the captain misses his spotkick. Such twists might be good for the game, but as a certain Benitez mentioned, its not very healthy for the heart.

Am currently learning how to drive and cycle. And also how to sit down and read for more than five minutes without freaking out, since IB.

Driving lessons in Malaysia are nothing if not pragmatic. There seem to be an unspoken adherence to Darwinian ethics here, because the system directly encourages some form of artificial selection, point in case being the fact that I was made to drive on the main road the very first time I got into a car. I guess the assumption is that if you survive your driving lessons, you should be intelligent enough to pass the test as well, hence minimal effort for the driving instructors. Otherwise, driving lessons are generally fun and I have so far managed to remain unscathed, except for the time when I thought the accelerator was the clutch when I attempted to switch gears. Heh.

Med-i-cine:
1. any substance or substances used in treating disease or illness; medicament; remedy.
2. the art or science of restoring or preserving health or due physical condition, as by means of drugs, surgical operations or appliances, or manipulations
3. the medical profession.
4. a term denoting a vague set of intentions, usually given as a generic answer to questions regarding future aspirations, as in :
'So what do you intend to pursue after your A-level's'
'Uhhh, I dunno, probably medicine.'

You. Are. Kidding. Me.

Okay I applied to six (six!) scholarship boards and five rejected me outright. Without a first interview.

So no matter.

Then I had to find out that the first round cut-off for NUS med is purely result-based. Thing is, yeah you guessed it. I didn't get the interview.

Okay maybe the guy was right after all. You do need 45 points to be even considered.

This blog is going to lie fallow for awhile, because I am feeling very lazy.

Nothing's up anyway, so quit looking over my shoulder.

My notion that giving tuition is a piece of cake has suffered some serious examination lately.

I still believe that I know my stuff decently well, but trying to solve a question that you have never seen before while talking at a hundred-miles an hour is not easy. I am obliged to talk at a hundred miles per hour because otherwise, I would just look like I was stunned into silence.

I think the male brain just isn't used to having more than one part of the anatomy work at the same time.

Note to self : Never use dirty bag as pillow again.

Don't ask me why I am wasting my gap year teaching at a secondary school and waking up at an ungodly hour that is even earlier than duing my secondary school days.

I need to go back to Malaysia to take care of the following;
a. acne
b. driving lessons
c. cycling lessons;
in order of descending priority. =(

I used to think that there is is a limit to human stupidity, but nowadays I am not too sure =(.

My last day for teenage angst passed yesterday. I don't feel my age. I mean, you can't make someone not be a teenager overnight right? At least not when he has been one for the past nine ( ten? my maths is failing me ) years.

Anyway I had a really gooooooood lunch today which alleviated whatever depression I have been feeling over the past few weeks. Hell, I am feeling like I can do without teenage angst right now.

I think I am especially ill-suited to be a teacher, especially at this point in time. At least being a teacher to at least 40 overcharged teenagers anyway.

I have been tired for the past few weeks. Not physically tired, because all I do in school is bum anyway and I haven't exercised since the last Ice Age. Its just very annoying to have to deal with all these minor inconveniences when you are facing a very real prospect of ending up without a scholarship and having to slave your four years in England to afford the cost.You see, I did a little mathematics and found out that studying in England would blow a really big hole in mom's wallet.

Of course thinking about it is not going to help, but that's the least I can do right now. I would rate my chances of getting one as anything between highly improbable to downright impossible.

I wish someone would tell me what to do.

The weather sucks because its pouring and I haven't had dinner.
Also, I have neither the money nor friends to eat out with.
Army stole my friends =(

I am down to thirty dollars with one more week to go in Singapore. How?!?

Might be leaving the island for good at the end of next week. Am torn between scholarship apps and friends on one hand, and a more comfy life, no budgeting and financial constraints on the other.

Tough choice. I'll mull over this for awhile. Or flip a coin.

My one-week break has convinced me that waking up at five to face a bunch of hyperactive kids is preferable to my current life, where I am spending my days alternating between lazy stupor and reading Popper at devastating speed. But mostly in lazy stupor. Anyway, at the rate I am going, I might finish his Conjectures in a couple of days, and the book looked frighteningly thick a couple of days ago. I doubt this is healthy.

I think Brightsparks just fucked my scholarship apps beyond belief.

You know how documents typed out on Words comes out weird when you cut and paste it onto blogger.com? I think I did that for all four of my scholarship apps - my personal statement is riddled with undiscernable nonsense which happened to be apostrophes and other such punctuations on Words.

Am hoping scholarship officers would realize the plight of technologically challenged persons and ignore their misgivings of someone who couldnt spell properly.

But hey, I am supposed to study sciences in uni, not English.

I am so bored these few days that reading Popper's Conjectures and Refutations is better than the alternatives, whatever they are. That nmeans I am pretty damn bored.

Actually, I suspect alternatives may not exist.

My stint my new school, which is quite unlike a-certain-school I attended not too long ago, just confirmed what I had suspected all along, that not all is well with the education system.

A major problem would be the fact that there is a current emphasis on moving away from traditional learning(i.e mugging). Personally, I think there is nothing wrong with mugging. This is perhaps the best kept secret among the better schools. They have lots of out-of-classroom learning, educational gimmicks, but the boys don't believe in them. At the end of the day, after lots of fun in school with the new website in class, everyone still goes home, takes out the thick books and mugs. How else do you think they consistently get the scores? Because they are smart?

Anyway, the point is, getting the scores is hardly education, you might argue. Which is a fair enough view. I can understand the purpose of the policy, even if I do not agree with its implementation. I have always thought that it is an elitist policy, geared towards the top schools. You can make them work in top schools, but there is no way in hell you are gonna impress a bunch of under-motivated kids with abstract ideas about education.

Plus, at the end of the day, the same system that pushes for a more liberal approach to education is gonig to judge these kids, the ones in my school, based on their examination scores. Their immediate futures (i.e, ITE, polytechnic, JCs) are going to be decided by their O level scores, and for me that settles the debate. Yes, CCA plays a part, for that miserable two bonus points, but hell, I'll be damned if you can convince me that joining a CCA for two bonus points is any closer to an education than focussing merely on exam scores.

Which is symptomatic of most Singaporeans. Singaporeans are desperately incapable of living with the intangibles and unquantifiables; they have an almost obsessive need to quantify and rank everything. As long as success is defined by the number of points one gets for O's, the system can have no pretensions to moving towards a less myopic ideal of education. And it is unfair that while the judging criteria do not change, the teaching systems in schools are expected to, because the ones who will bear the brunt of it will be students in schools like __________. The ones in top schools will play along, but will always have the sense to realize that, at the end of the day, academic results always come first and you will always be judged by that, at least in this part of the world, and, unlike fickle policies, that is not something that will change anytime soon.

This is the blog's two hundredth post. I just thought I should make a note.

Anyway, yesterday I overheard two staff talking at work, about someone in my workplace who apparently jumped, for some reason or other. A teacher mentioned, with a callousness that surprised me, that the boys here do not need a reason to jump.

Now forgive me for being idealistic, but that was out of line. I mean, wtf? I know some boys are assholes, and a pain in the bottom. Sometimes I feel like killing them myself. But asking rhetorically whether they need a reason to jump? That's fucked up. If teaching in a neighbourhood school makes you that jaded, I don't know if being a teacher is a good thing.

She went on to elaborate about her perfect son who is a scholar. Whatever. I am sure he is very intelligent, good for him. That has nothing to do with the point at hand. Fuck all that wannabe snobbery and elitism, and oh ya Mrs Teacher if you are reading this, fuck you too.

I am becoming increasingly disgruntled with my job. Its bad enough that all I get to do is babysit a bunch of hyperactive kids and some annoyingly tedious admin work. To top it all off, I was told in a not-so-subtle manner by my superior that reading newspapers in the lounge is fine, but might get me embroiled in office politics, so I should bring the papers to somewhere less conspicuous and read them there. My guess is that someone made a passing remark about how I get paid to do nothing.

Are they fucking retarded? I am a relief staff. How in the fucking world does it make any difference to anyone in the office whether I do anything or not and still get paid? I am not competing for promotions, idiots.

Keep me out of whatever politics you may have, because I won't even be staying long enough to make head or tails of it.

Living Alone II

Now that I have started living alone, I realized all the little stuff that I used to take for granted.

Top of the list would be laundry, food, and transport. Money as and when you need it is also somewhere near the top.

My relief teacher's wages are starting to look desperately inadequate nowadays. I have gone from wondering how I can save up 70 bucks for something I want, to wondering how I can cut down on anything not directly related to food, transport and accomodation.

I wonder if that's what growing up is.

Now that I am working as a relief teacher, I could empathise with my former teachers. It really isn't easy teaching a bunch of overactive, guai lan secondary school kids, who think that they know-it-all and whose sole mission in life is to disrupt your class and piss you the fuck off.

Anyway my job isn't so much to teach as to babysit a class, in the absence of their regular teachers. I gave up trying to teach when I inexplicably decided that the easiest way to make them understand the difference between series and parallel circuits was to explain Kirchchoff's laws to them.

It didn't really work out.

I got along well with the other classes because I bribed them promising to end the lessons slightly earlier, and also by giving them the answers. It would seem like the kids in my school aren't big fans of cerebration.

Am wondering if I could survive the next few months, before I fly to C________.

What I really would like to write :

Question : In a paragraph of 50 to 100 words, please share with us how you see yourself in 7 to 10 years’ time.

Answer : Barring any major technological changes. Probably in a mirror.

I know the posts have been coming in rather sluggishly these days, but is there seriously anything to blog about right now?

Whoops sorry for the lack of posts!

I have been incredibly busy ( read: sleeping, scholarships applications, New Year stuff, sleeping).

And yes, sleeping does come under the list-of-thing-more-important-than-blogging right now. Considering the fact that I will be starting work next week, and henceforth living the life of a student with benefits ( being a relief teacher and consequentially having none of a teacher's benefits), i.e. waking up early, doing work, more work, waking up early, I think it is perfectly legitimate that I set my sleep account firmly in the blue by saving up with the occasional nap, for more arduous times.

Am currently doing scholarships applications. Please help me pray to God/Yahweh/Buddha/anyone above that I get at least one.

My tolerance for incompetence is somewhere just below the explosive level right now. The problem with that is that the mounting pressure is usually relieved by some extravagant act of violence, i.e. clobbering someone to death for no particular reason.

Why must all ministries insist on having an automated system when you call in. Call it interactive, whatever. It is retarded. It goes something like this
'For A press 1. For B press 2. For C press 3. If you wish to return to previous menu press 4............... If you are still alive, press *0 for operators assistance.'
And all the automated stuff that they spout are on the website! Are they dumbing down the system to appear more accesible?

Back, and Back Again

The past few weeks have been rather insanely packed for me.

I got my results back on Monday, and I was terribly disappointed. I went back to Malaysia.

I learned that I was admitted into C________. Which negates the disappointment. Somewhat. I went back up to Singapore on Friday.

Then, I left for Malaysia. And a day later its a five hour plane ride to Perth. I got back from Perth two days ago.

Now I am back in Singapore. Again.

I suspect there is more to come in the following weeks.

Re : Post on 11/8/2007, Para 4

Okay maybe not. Haha.

I am currently blogging in Perth where it is nine o'clock and not quite dark yet. Those in Singapore can call my bluff if its actually dark already in Singapore because I don't think there is any way Singapore can get dark before Perth. You know, given the geography of the two places. But then again, my geog is fucked up. But anyway the point is that it gets dark very late here.

Also, the weather here has been scorching. Its been around 40 degrees today but its not as bad as it would have been back in Singapore, because at least its not humid. The downside is that the dryness has caused considerable itching, which requires cream, which makes me feel greasy. So, you see, a trip overseas is really quite a lot of logistics. Plus, the five hour plane ride nearly killed me.

Okay seriously. Wtf.

I have been trying to get a job for like. The past three weeks. And I just found out that almost everyone else has a job.

And its not like its my fault or anything. MOE is taking forever to get back to me about my application to be a relief teacher.

I want to get a job=(

I am undescribably happy right now. But also terrified. Sometimes, you need an emotional rollercoaster to realize how fragile your pride is, and how, in the grand scheme of things, we sometimes get credit for dumb luck.

When you play poker, and you go all-in with AA against a hand like KK, the one with the inferior hand is almost a no-hoper. The odds are something like 5:1 against KK. But once in every six hands, you will get burned with AA, even though you made all the right calls, you made all the right plays, you sucked the other player into an all-in and you are almost certain to make a big killing.

Sometimes you just don't. Its not your fault. Its not Fate's fault. Probability dictates that you will lose, on average, one in every six hands. There is nothing you can do, because you made all the best plays that is humanly possible, short of actually cheating and looking at the next five cards. But it doesn't change the fact that, at the end of the round, your opponent is the one stacking your chips.

The good thing about poker though, is the fact that almost everyone at the table will recognize that you have been sucked-out and you know that you could not have possibly avoided it, that you would have done exactly the same thing given another try, and hope that someone up there doesn't have it in for you.

Real life, though, is so much more complicated. Exams, and probably university applications probably depends as much on dumb luck as all-inning on a coin-flip hand. Sometimes you get it, and sometimes you don't. But with your entire future, and not ten dollars, dependent on whether you read the question correctly, or whether you impressed an interviewer who on another day might not have been impressed, things become really scary.

Two days back, I was really upset with myself and how the previous exams went. But right now, I really could not give a damn, because I have got to where I really wanted.

But there are casualties. There are bound to be people who are left out alone, when everyone else is celebrating. Because no matter how good things might seem overall, for every five wins, there will be a boy sitting all alone because he got sucked out on. And for the rest of us, those who made it, but who do not know why, we stare and say nothing. Because it could easily have been one of us.

I have been an arrogant and cocky bastard over the past years, believing that if you are good enough, you don't blame luck for anything. But when the results are so terrifyingly real, when you come to face the fact that you got into the university you wanted so badly because you lucked out big time, and that you could have been really suicidal if things have gone the other way. It brings you to your senses.

There but for the grace of God, go I.

I WAS KIDDING C_________.

I got your offer. Of course I am coming!

I am pretty upset as a result of the past few days, and am therefore prone to outbursts for no apparent reason. But I think I am justified in getting pissed off by the fact that it is impossi-fucking-ble to call in and enquire without being reminded of how stupid things can get.

It seems to be all in vogue to use automated response nowadays. But when all they provide you is information you could have easily got of their website, and actual help can only be found when you stumble and press for 'English assistance' it is downright annoying.

I mean are they retarded or what? If I had fucking wanted to know something off the website, I would have just read it. And directing me to their website for 'further information' must be the new height of idiocy. Not even the fact that I went and blew my Ib results by getting myself unnecesarily distracted this year could top that on the list of top 100 annoyances.

I mean, how the fuck else did they expect me to find their phone number if I hadn't at least seen the website?

When you try your best but you don't succeed,
When you get what you want but not what you need,
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep,
Stuck in reverse?

And the tears come treaming down your face,
When you lose something you can't replace,
When you love someone but it goes to waste,
Could it be worst?

First off, I would like to again underline that I am running out of patience with C________, for making me wait so damn long. C________ if you are reading this, note that a reply has better come soon, or you would be hard pressed to make me consider your offers. When that comes.

I need to get a job and my old school is unable to take me back. I always expected getting a job to be a breeze. Apparently, it isn't. Right now, I am contemplating being a tutor, which would probably get me more $$$. But it makes me feel whore-ish. Somehow.

I mean, you meet someone, spend a couple of hours doing something mildly interesting and then get paid in cash for it.

I was describing being a tutor by the way.

For making me wait, C_________, fuck you.

Yay its the new year.
Let's hope it turns out to be better than the last one.