End-of-Year Reflections

I know I don't usually title my posts, but i kinda stole the title from someone else( you know who you are, and this one is for you), so i don't really know if it counts. My split personality, of course, meticulously, titles his posts, but i often find it more convenient to go without, so if that has bothered you, i apologize, mea culpa.

Anyway, 2006 has indeed come to a close, in more ways than one. The feeling is that of relief, perhaps, at having come so far, but as with everything gone past, there is also the lingering feeling that you could have changed just that little bit, and perhaps things would have turned out a lot better.

It's not my job to figure out how things could have turned out this year if i have just done things a little bit differently. I strongly suspect that i will gaze longingly at alternative paths, no matter how wonderful the year has been for me once i commit myself to thinking what could have been better, so i shall keep myself happy and refrain from doing so.

I don't know if i can honestly say i have grown up - but the passage of time, in its physical sense (and in strictly non-relativistic contexts, to appease those fussy physicists among you) , is inexorable, and i am not sure if that is actually a good thing. Plus, i don't know what is our fascination is with growing up, as if there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I, for one, would prefer to stay just where i am, although that might change if someone does find a pot of gold at the end, and i would be infinitely obliged to you if you do tell me when you find something ( but it has better be worth my while).

I am tempted to say that last year was better than this, but i suppose that is one of the inherent flaws in the human mind. We always seek to compartmentalize our experiences, breaking them up into discrete pieces that we can handle, and make sense of. In the same way, i suppose it is also easy to think of people as absolutes, entities that you can file and categorize, even though we are well aware that the essence of humanity is as elusive as that of ether, to which its greatest minds were committed to finding at the turn of the century.

I cannot say that i am really sorry for anything i have done this year, because if given a chance, i would do it all over again. I don't think i have any real regrets, because, hell, life is short, and the year was short, so i guess we don't have the whole of eternity perfecting what we are going to do before actually getting around to doing it. Not that it would be an entirely attractive prospect, even if we do. Perfection gets boring if it gets repetitive, just like any other thing, i suspect. So i guess we make our decisions, face the music, and move on. We all make stupid decisions once in a while, so when you do, i guess you just have to make sure you have friends by your side, before you start slitting your wrists ( kidding, of course). Or else a lot of money to spend.

Speaking of which, i suppose i have found some new friends, in totally unexpected people. I drifted away from some, but i also found some new ones, and lost one or two along the way. I couldn't say i am happy at having lost some, but maybe when we do get together again, things will be better. Okay, I don't truly believe that, but there is no harm in believing, and certainly none in hoping. Maybe, as someone said, the entire point of a journey is to end up where we first started, and to know it for the first time, so maybe at the end of this journey, we will see each other again. But for the meantime, goodbye, and i wish you all the best. We stake out our own paths, and we will have to walk them out, but even as they diverge now, i certainly hope they will cross again in the future, although i still owe certain people too much money to put what remaining money i have on that.

I am currently tucked away in a corner at Coffee Bean because apparently it is an absolute waste of time to spend the day stoning in the hotel room, when you can pay 12 bucks for a cup of coffee, get ripped off AND stone the day away, which, as everyone knows, is a much more sensible alternative. I am, after all, on a holiday.

Anyway, this is my firt post in ages and the fact that i still have nothing much to blog about is a testament to the great post-exam period i am having. We have had a symposium, on TOK, which left me with the impression that the entire point of the exercise was to go out and pretend to say something that sounds mildly intelligent, while trying to baffle as many people as possible. It also helps if you have a fake accent or generally unintelligible speech.

remember last time i posted a rather angsty post that went like "screw sylvia plath and screw you"?

yea im keeping version two for next friday. wait for it.