This must be first time i have blogged in about two weeks or so, but let me warn you before hand, this is an angsty post, so if you are a particularly loyal fan of this blog, please do not feel obliged to read it, just because it is on my blog. This is in no way a reflection of actual events, and if you take it personally, you are just dumb.

I have had enough of this crap. The last few weeks have not exactly been the most pleasant weeks, and you have not helped one single bit. You complain incessantly about how your life is hellish, how reality is turning into a neverending nightmare... i suppose you might as well throw in a bit of melodrama and complain that it is whirling into a deep abyss the next time. I don't know if this makes you feel that you have the right to attempt to make people go through the same nonsense that you do, but guess what, you don't.

You talk about being tired. So what, everyone else is dammit. It is one thing to feel fatigued and depend on others for support, and quite another to actually use it as an excuse to do whatever you bloody like. So stop wallowing in self-pity, everyone goes through the same thing for god's sake.

My friends tell me that it is my fault, for making you believe that you are somehow always right, and i will have to leave this for you to judge. I suppose i should not be pissed right now, but then you have to excuse me, i think i at least have a right too.

If all you wanted me to do was to wait, i would. I don't know if you ever wanted it to work out, or if you just thought it is nice to have someone waiting on you all the time. Maybe, as you put it, it makes you feel flattered. Wow, congratulations, and i just have to blame myself for being the moron to agree to all this.

The last straw was Wednesday. I really believed things would work out fine up till then, and you really have to give it to me for my naivete. If you are so bloody afraid that i will come barging in any moment and totally ruining your day by embarassing you, then i guess there is no point in pursuing anything. But to be frank, you are the first person i met who thought i was an embarassment to be with, although i cannot pretend to understand your reasoning.

I think the part about trying to make me jealous was totally uncalled for, and i think even you must agree. If you think it is amusing to make someone jealous over you, fuck off, and i am not kidding here. Actually, no matter what your motivations may be, i should have told you to fuck off then - i am not your toy, or your experimental subject. I can't say this about anything else, but if you still think you are right on this issue, i am sorry i have ever known you.

Leave my friends out of this, and i will leave yours out. You tried spoiling a friendship without knowing and i did warn you then not to attempt it again. At least my friends gave you a fair chance, and you brought everything that has happened on yourself. Goddammit, i cant even say the same for some of yours - they didn't even give things a chance . If you still think those friends are nicer than mine, i think you are an absolute idiot, and i don't think too many people will disagree. Except, of course, some of your friends.

Let's not talk about a deeper relationship, you never even treated me as a friend in the first place. Who, or what, exactly do you think i am? So let me get this straight. You call me whenever you are down, and feel like talking to someone, and all your other friends happen to be unavailable at the moment. Actually, I don't even really mind that, but you pushed it too far. I have said that i don't expect you to keep things up if you are feeling tired, which unfortunately, seem to be all the time, but think about it, when have you actually been there for me? Honestly?

I don't know if you realize this, but you actually need commitment for friendships as well. And don't give me that nonsense about not liking commitment. Dammit, who does, actually? But if all you want from a friendship, or any other sort of relationship, for that matter, is someone to turn to when you are down, and if you are not ready to reciprocate, then go screw. Don't get me wrong, i am not pissed that you told me to wait, no actually, i meant, that you said no, because this isn't about that. Someone said you don't treat another human being that way, and i guess i must have been really stupid to believe that it can go deeper, when there isn't a friendship on in the first place.

I have never done this to anyone before, hell, i never even thought i was capable of being so angsty. But i don't feel like keeping it inside any longer, so I guess that's another one for your list of achievements.

bloke.

hello computer world, a quick post before i rush off to watch more "Whose line is it anyway" on youtube. y'all should try watching it..

Recently, Bloke has grabbed the spotlight with his amusing Chem Test answer.When
asked "Calculate the average bond energy of Xe-F", Bloke expertly replied with
an answer involving the words :Ivan S. Bloch, Warfare, War of Attrition and
Technological Advances.he added 172.25 kJmol as an afterthought The improvised
mesh of historical fact and irrelevent chemical connections earned Bloke a full
3 marks for the question. The offending test paper has been seized and given
"public property status".

Here's what it says:

According to the theories established by Ivan S. Bloch, conventional warfare
would change in 1914,; a move from the fluid movement on the battlefield to a
war of attrition in the bond energy as Xe- F bonds with new innovation
technologies.

Punchline?

~autolycus
12:39 PM Sep 26, 2006 IP 156:13
That answer is wrong. It should be 136.25 kJ/mol.

source of info/picture: acxis

Isn't it so common nowadays for people to disappoint one another?

Just a couple of weeks ago, alastair (su), kentay and i were having a rather informal and off-the-cuff chat about random topics. Somehow we got the topic of people disappointing one another. We all agreed that no matter how trustworthy or honourable or whatever a person is, there always is a possibility that he/she will one day break a promise.

Furthermore, it has become so common for people to break promises that there no longer is such a thing as "complete trust". Even if you task a certain person to do something, at the back of your mind there always is this small doubt that the person would either fail at the task, not complete it, or even worse still, not attempt at the task at all.

Take a step back and reflect, how many times have you failed someone, when you agreed or promised to do something. Countless? Well unfortunately, society has degenerated (as is my post) to such a point where such a situation is brushed off and considered normal. An agreed date (no matter if its boy-girl or a group outing) can be called off on the day itself, or a certain member of the date not turn up at all without informing the rest prior to the outing/date (pangseh).

Well to end abruptly, i suppose this post is merely nothing more than just pure lament or idle banter (although this cannot be quite considered banter im just lamenting to myself). So next time you agree upon something, make sure you fulfill it, or at least try your best.

For those of you who have taken a fleeting fancy to this blog, as evidenced by the increased viewership, i'll post a quick update on the holidays thus far. Okay, i was kidding about the increased readership, but i have always wanted so desperately to write something to that effect, it feels so go-oood.

I am glad to announce that i have lived up to my pre-holiday pledge of doing absolutely nothing at all ( didn't i post something on that not too long ago ?) and have so far managed to idle five full days away, which leaves about two more days to go.

In my defense, i really have to say that it is absolutely horrible here in Malaysia. My nose, sensitive creature as it is, has yet to adjust, the result being that i have had to breathe through some other orifice ( namely, the mouth) for the past few days.

This also leaves with me the highly unattractive prospect of being unable to enjoy the food in Malaysia, which i have been looking forward to since, just, oh, a couple of months back. About the time i stepped into singapore two months back, if you would allow me to add.

Tsk tsk. I think one is rendered totally incapable of enjoying the food to any degree because it is impossible to breathe while chewing when one is having a blocked nose, and the simple and normally enjoyable act of mastication becomes quite a laborious chore, but you shouldn't take my word on faith . I suggest you plug your nose while eating and i think you might just appreciate how dastardly difficult it is to breathe and chew at the same time for those with perpetual blocked noses. Which would be me, actually.

dear steve,

i am terribly upset and sorry to hear of your untimely death. i respect what you lived for and what you fought for - a clean environment and healthy animals. i really like your show, the crocodile hunter, and i watch it whenever my dad changes the channel to discovery channel and your show is on. i'll miss your khakis.

damn that stingray i say.

goodbye steve.