Back, and Back Again

The past few weeks have been rather insanely packed for me.

I got my results back on Monday, and I was terribly disappointed. I went back to Malaysia.

I learned that I was admitted into C________. Which negates the disappointment. Somewhat. I went back up to Singapore on Friday.

Then, I left for Malaysia. And a day later its a five hour plane ride to Perth. I got back from Perth two days ago.

Now I am back in Singapore. Again.

I suspect there is more to come in the following weeks.

Re : Post on 11/8/2007, Para 4

Okay maybe not. Haha.

I am currently blogging in Perth where it is nine o'clock and not quite dark yet. Those in Singapore can call my bluff if its actually dark already in Singapore because I don't think there is any way Singapore can get dark before Perth. You know, given the geography of the two places. But then again, my geog is fucked up. But anyway the point is that it gets dark very late here.

Also, the weather here has been scorching. Its been around 40 degrees today but its not as bad as it would have been back in Singapore, because at least its not humid. The downside is that the dryness has caused considerable itching, which requires cream, which makes me feel greasy. So, you see, a trip overseas is really quite a lot of logistics. Plus, the five hour plane ride nearly killed me.

Okay seriously. Wtf.

I have been trying to get a job for like. The past three weeks. And I just found out that almost everyone else has a job.

And its not like its my fault or anything. MOE is taking forever to get back to me about my application to be a relief teacher.

I want to get a job=(

I am undescribably happy right now. But also terrified. Sometimes, you need an emotional rollercoaster to realize how fragile your pride is, and how, in the grand scheme of things, we sometimes get credit for dumb luck.

When you play poker, and you go all-in with AA against a hand like KK, the one with the inferior hand is almost a no-hoper. The odds are something like 5:1 against KK. But once in every six hands, you will get burned with AA, even though you made all the right calls, you made all the right plays, you sucked the other player into an all-in and you are almost certain to make a big killing.

Sometimes you just don't. Its not your fault. Its not Fate's fault. Probability dictates that you will lose, on average, one in every six hands. There is nothing you can do, because you made all the best plays that is humanly possible, short of actually cheating and looking at the next five cards. But it doesn't change the fact that, at the end of the round, your opponent is the one stacking your chips.

The good thing about poker though, is the fact that almost everyone at the table will recognize that you have been sucked-out and you know that you could not have possibly avoided it, that you would have done exactly the same thing given another try, and hope that someone up there doesn't have it in for you.

Real life, though, is so much more complicated. Exams, and probably university applications probably depends as much on dumb luck as all-inning on a coin-flip hand. Sometimes you get it, and sometimes you don't. But with your entire future, and not ten dollars, dependent on whether you read the question correctly, or whether you impressed an interviewer who on another day might not have been impressed, things become really scary.

Two days back, I was really upset with myself and how the previous exams went. But right now, I really could not give a damn, because I have got to where I really wanted.

But there are casualties. There are bound to be people who are left out alone, when everyone else is celebrating. Because no matter how good things might seem overall, for every five wins, there will be a boy sitting all alone because he got sucked out on. And for the rest of us, those who made it, but who do not know why, we stare and say nothing. Because it could easily have been one of us.

I have been an arrogant and cocky bastard over the past years, believing that if you are good enough, you don't blame luck for anything. But when the results are so terrifyingly real, when you come to face the fact that you got into the university you wanted so badly because you lucked out big time, and that you could have been really suicidal if things have gone the other way. It brings you to your senses.

There but for the grace of God, go I.

I WAS KIDDING C_________.

I got your offer. Of course I am coming!

I am pretty upset as a result of the past few days, and am therefore prone to outbursts for no apparent reason. But I think I am justified in getting pissed off by the fact that it is impossi-fucking-ble to call in and enquire without being reminded of how stupid things can get.

It seems to be all in vogue to use automated response nowadays. But when all they provide you is information you could have easily got of their website, and actual help can only be found when you stumble and press for 'English assistance' it is downright annoying.

I mean are they retarded or what? If I had fucking wanted to know something off the website, I would have just read it. And directing me to their website for 'further information' must be the new height of idiocy. Not even the fact that I went and blew my Ib results by getting myself unnecesarily distracted this year could top that on the list of top 100 annoyances.

I mean, how the fuck else did they expect me to find their phone number if I hadn't at least seen the website?

When you try your best but you don't succeed,
When you get what you want but not what you need,
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep,
Stuck in reverse?

And the tears come treaming down your face,
When you lose something you can't replace,
When you love someone but it goes to waste,
Could it be worst?

First off, I would like to again underline that I am running out of patience with C________, for making me wait so damn long. C________ if you are reading this, note that a reply has better come soon, or you would be hard pressed to make me consider your offers. When that comes.

I need to get a job and my old school is unable to take me back. I always expected getting a job to be a breeze. Apparently, it isn't. Right now, I am contemplating being a tutor, which would probably get me more $$$. But it makes me feel whore-ish. Somehow.

I mean, you meet someone, spend a couple of hours doing something mildly interesting and then get paid in cash for it.

I was describing being a tutor by the way.

For making me wait, C_________, fuck you.

Yay its the new year.
Let's hope it turns out to be better than the last one.