And if I laugh, 'tis that I may not weep.

What absurd nonsense.

There is always some sort of construction work going around in my neighbourhood. It used to be two streets away, but there is some sort of renovation going on just a few blocks down recently. If you are wondering why I took notice, it is because I was on my way to the gym todayand I had to walk pass the site, and I inhaled enough carbon monoxide etc from the vehicles there that a doctor may be excused for thinking that I am a chain smoker.

That is probably the reason why I can't run anymore. It is definitely not the six months of inactivity that has done it; its the goddamn smoke.

I ended up not running today because I figured it wouldn't be any good, with all the tar and carbon monoxide in my lungs. Which means that I have only done 1.2 km.

In two days.

It is slightly below the 10 km I expected myself to run.

I think I have figured why there are so many emo blogs.

It is easier.

I know this blog has become very heavy and world weary of late. But that's okay because Statcounter regularly sends me updates to remind me that no one reads it. I am starting to suspect that there is something wrong with the tracker. I know I read this blog pretty regularly, for one. But I digress.

But anyway now that I have decided to do a normal post, I realized. I. Can't. Dammit.

Gawd I wish I have a reason to be all emo now.

/ wrists

Cleaning up my closet

Some version of this takes place at the end of every semester, but this one is of particular note, because I am moving out of boarding and probably Singapore for good. My room was in an understandable state of mess, given that I have not been there for about a month or so, but the troublesome part wasn't clearing the large loads of books, or clothing; those were easy enough. It was much more difficult sorting out the small things, deciding whether or not they are worht keeping, or whether, having faithfully served and braved the past four years with me, they are now to be consigned to the trashbin of the past.

I decided to throw away most of the stuff. Partly because it is really time to move on; partly because I am too lazy to carry the stuff back home. And also partly because it would have been too heavy to carry even if I weren't anyway.

It was amazing how fast the past few years have been. The stationery set from India by Mrs R just before I came over; I kept that. It was a reminder of times past.

The letter from you; I am sorry I lost it. I also lost my phone and with it whatever saved messages that had been in it. The emails have been archived and put out of sight, perhaps for sometime in the future when I can look back at all this and smile.

There were some files from my sec 3 days, I think it was IHS. It was a crappy subject, I was horrible at it. So I threw that away.

The worksheets in my room had probably cost at least a dozen trees and many a sleepless night for environmentalists. Those too, I threw. The programme is behind me now, I have little use for them.

My old com died too. With the chatlogs, documents. Small things I can't remember and probably will not miss. Not much anyway.

The book, I kept. I need to learn how to be idle in the coming months after all.

I also pruned my contact list sometime on the same day. It would save me a lot of mental disturbance. I thought I would feel horrible because that meant that that would be it. But I felt light after that. And unburdened. And now I no longer have to worry about having my mood spoiled because of you signing in.

Words are the only things that I find unnecessary to settle at this time. Everything I need to say I have said. If it makes you feel any better, I meant every word I have ever said.

But those too, I have thrown away.

Guess what

I screwed geog up. Big surprise.

When I think of geog I think of _____ and ______.

So, I am sorry Mr. ____. I am sorry _____.

Actually, no wait. Fuck you both.

After IB

What then?

I just learnt that an object can disintegrate if it spins too fast. oO. Head spinning stuff. Literally

No daughter of mine is gonna learn ballet

Sometimes you go through life expecting to see signs that human intelligence is not an entirely fictitious entity, but I must confess to being more than slightly disappointed in this respect.

People can be astoundingly stupid. The fact that some people believe Harry Potter should not be read by Christians because it contains the word magic, proves my point.

I mean for God's sake its a children's book. It is harmless and before you try to convince me otherwise, please note that your efforts would probably be better spent on a tree.

Then, there are people who would not participate in games of chance, because its random. Wtf? I can understand if you don't want to gamble, but more does not equal better and abstaining from games just because it has an element of chance just makes you look stupid. Really

Can I take a slice of time and keep it forever, please?

Giggs fucking sucks. He should have been out of the line up two years ago.

English Paper 2 is killing me.

Karan thinks that I am too much of a science student to do it. He broke it down for me and now according to him I am doing much better, because it is easier to see things in parts. Kind of like how a mechanic work I suppose.

But I think I am too much of a Chinese to be able to do lit. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed Siddhartha. But the thought of spending one and a half hours putting my thoughts down into words, for a critical appraisal of the book is, frankly, very unappealing. It requires too much cerebration, and it doesn't bring much good either. If I understand the book a certain way, and you disagree, you will find that I am not very much inclined to prove you wrong, or to even defend my own stance, which is a typically Chinese sentiment.

Science is different. I like it no better than Siddhartha, but I can always find out where I went wrong and correct it quite easily. I wonder if that is because I am Chinese too.

Tomorrow

we fight