Because walking around in shoes has caused my feet to start to blister, I have decided to stay home today. I have subsisted on a diet of high fibre biscuits and have not had a proper meal since lunch yesterday.

Living alone isn't easy ><

I just realised I hate December but this is somewhat offset by Christmas. December is such a bleak month, when you realize that its the end of the road, when you realize that the year is in its death throes and you think of everything you wanted to do at the start of the year and failed.

Well this is the end of the road. Next year would never be the same again. I am burying, together with this year, a whole lot of dreams of the future, memories of the past and illusions of the present. Quite frankly, this year has been horrible.

Unless my luck changes in whats left of it.

This blog deals with trivialities, because it acknowledges that any attempt to define intangible experiences and thoughts renders them trivial. In a way, this is much less trivial than it seems, because seeking to grapple with those issues somehow cheapens and devalues them. Some ideas should be left in the realms of vague thoughts, emotions and memories because the binding of such thoughts into words and concrete entities obscures, rather than illuminates.

Hence, there are two types of posts on this blog: the world weary ones, which are bad posts, sinc ethey can never capture the enormity of the subject being expressed and merely leaves the readers baffled, and the ones that deal with nonsense. Which are readable.

I have no idea which type this one falls into. I think I might be just bored.

Due to website maintenance on the Ucas page, I am pretty sure Cambridge rescinded their offer and now I am left with only Bristol and Kcl. Bummer.

On another note, why the hell am I getting offers that are subject to my English grades. I mean what the hell its not like I can't speak english or anything. And I applied for physics.

To hell with them. Nus is a jolly good school, I say.

My Ucas Track status has finally been updated after three weeks of agonizing inactivity and the server is.

Very conveniently under service.

Dammit why couldn't they let me check my offers? I mean, Cambridge might have offered me a 34 point conditional offer which would expire by tomorrow. Or something like that.

On a somewhat-but-not-entirely-related note, I was at an education fair, in Malaysia. Some fellow from Nus told me that admission to medicine does not discriminate based on nationality, which I suppose is a polite way of saying that a Singaporean would get in more easily, but only slightly more so. He also assured me that I would need at least 45 points to have a fair shot at getting in. Now forgive me if my logic is a bit rusty but I think the argument would proceed along the lines :

Premise 1 : I need at least 45 points to get into medicine
Premise 2 : Admission requirements are the same, regardless of nationality, which brings us to ..

Conclusion 1 : Everyone needs 45 points to get into medicine

Conclusion 2: No one is bloody getting into Nus medicine

Alternative Conclusion 2 : The guy is a jackass

You decide.

I'll be moving soon, I am already on my way,
This place is fond, but I doubt I'll be here to stay.

Thank you Abramovich!

Okay I had reservations about you when you first came into the game. You bought Chelsea and poured in enough money to fund a small country's development. You brought in one of the best managers in the game and made Man Utd into a bit part player in the English game.

But I was wrong about you. I was happy when you insisted that Shev be played, even more unbelievably grateful when you sacked Mourinho.

And if Mourinho becomes the England coach and they win the next World Cup, I'll send you a personal thank you note okay?

I am a pussy. I would rather not do something, than to try very hard at it and then fail. I run away from almost every fight there is, and make it a point never to fight someone else's fight. I prefer pretending that problems don't exist and gloss over it, than to acknowledge and try solve them, which is why I can be such a consummate procrastinator.

But for some reason, I am compulsively obsessed with the idea of being successful in life, with making it. I know I can walk away from it now, under the guise of not actually giving a dime about money, and wealth and success. That might even mean that I am just being honest with myself, because all that have never really mattered. Not yet, anyway. I have always wanted to get a simple job, settle down and live life out as unobstrusively as I possibly could.

But I can't. For some reason, I need to find out if I actually have it in me to make it. I don't believe in the system, but I need to know that I can walk away from it, not because I am afraid of getting beaten, not because i am just sour grapes. I need to know if I am actually good enough, or if I am just another fake believing I-am-better-than-you but who cowers behind their feigned indifference to material success because they don't actually achieve anything.

This is the only thing I have really demanded from mysel so far, and I am mind-numbingly afraid that I might just not make the cut after all.