Whoops sorry for the lack of posts!

I have been incredibly busy ( read: sleeping, scholarships applications, New Year stuff, sleeping).

And yes, sleeping does come under the list-of-thing-more-important-than-blogging right now. Considering the fact that I will be starting work next week, and henceforth living the life of a student with benefits ( being a relief teacher and consequentially having none of a teacher's benefits), i.e. waking up early, doing work, more work, waking up early, I think it is perfectly legitimate that I set my sleep account firmly in the blue by saving up with the occasional nap, for more arduous times.

Am currently doing scholarships applications. Please help me pray to God/Yahweh/Buddha/anyone above that I get at least one.

My tolerance for incompetence is somewhere just below the explosive level right now. The problem with that is that the mounting pressure is usually relieved by some extravagant act of violence, i.e. clobbering someone to death for no particular reason.

Why must all ministries insist on having an automated system when you call in. Call it interactive, whatever. It is retarded. It goes something like this
'For A press 1. For B press 2. For C press 3. If you wish to return to previous menu press 4............... If you are still alive, press *0 for operators assistance.'
And all the automated stuff that they spout are on the website! Are they dumbing down the system to appear more accesible?

Back, and Back Again

The past few weeks have been rather insanely packed for me.

I got my results back on Monday, and I was terribly disappointed. I went back to Malaysia.

I learned that I was admitted into C________. Which negates the disappointment. Somewhat. I went back up to Singapore on Friday.

Then, I left for Malaysia. And a day later its a five hour plane ride to Perth. I got back from Perth two days ago.

Now I am back in Singapore. Again.

I suspect there is more to come in the following weeks.

Re : Post on 11/8/2007, Para 4

Okay maybe not. Haha.

I am currently blogging in Perth where it is nine o'clock and not quite dark yet. Those in Singapore can call my bluff if its actually dark already in Singapore because I don't think there is any way Singapore can get dark before Perth. You know, given the geography of the two places. But then again, my geog is fucked up. But anyway the point is that it gets dark very late here.

Also, the weather here has been scorching. Its been around 40 degrees today but its not as bad as it would have been back in Singapore, because at least its not humid. The downside is that the dryness has caused considerable itching, which requires cream, which makes me feel greasy. So, you see, a trip overseas is really quite a lot of logistics. Plus, the five hour plane ride nearly killed me.

Okay seriously. Wtf.

I have been trying to get a job for like. The past three weeks. And I just found out that almost everyone else has a job.

And its not like its my fault or anything. MOE is taking forever to get back to me about my application to be a relief teacher.

I want to get a job=(

I am undescribably happy right now. But also terrified. Sometimes, you need an emotional rollercoaster to realize how fragile your pride is, and how, in the grand scheme of things, we sometimes get credit for dumb luck.

When you play poker, and you go all-in with AA against a hand like KK, the one with the inferior hand is almost a no-hoper. The odds are something like 5:1 against KK. But once in every six hands, you will get burned with AA, even though you made all the right calls, you made all the right plays, you sucked the other player into an all-in and you are almost certain to make a big killing.

Sometimes you just don't. Its not your fault. Its not Fate's fault. Probability dictates that you will lose, on average, one in every six hands. There is nothing you can do, because you made all the best plays that is humanly possible, short of actually cheating and looking at the next five cards. But it doesn't change the fact that, at the end of the round, your opponent is the one stacking your chips.

The good thing about poker though, is the fact that almost everyone at the table will recognize that you have been sucked-out and you know that you could not have possibly avoided it, that you would have done exactly the same thing given another try, and hope that someone up there doesn't have it in for you.

Real life, though, is so much more complicated. Exams, and probably university applications probably depends as much on dumb luck as all-inning on a coin-flip hand. Sometimes you get it, and sometimes you don't. But with your entire future, and not ten dollars, dependent on whether you read the question correctly, or whether you impressed an interviewer who on another day might not have been impressed, things become really scary.

Two days back, I was really upset with myself and how the previous exams went. But right now, I really could not give a damn, because I have got to where I really wanted.

But there are casualties. There are bound to be people who are left out alone, when everyone else is celebrating. Because no matter how good things might seem overall, for every five wins, there will be a boy sitting all alone because he got sucked out on. And for the rest of us, those who made it, but who do not know why, we stare and say nothing. Because it could easily have been one of us.

I have been an arrogant and cocky bastard over the past years, believing that if you are good enough, you don't blame luck for anything. But when the results are so terrifyingly real, when you come to face the fact that you got into the university you wanted so badly because you lucked out big time, and that you could have been really suicidal if things have gone the other way. It brings you to your senses.

There but for the grace of God, go I.

I WAS KIDDING C_________.

I got your offer. Of course I am coming!

I am pretty upset as a result of the past few days, and am therefore prone to outbursts for no apparent reason. But I think I am justified in getting pissed off by the fact that it is impossi-fucking-ble to call in and enquire without being reminded of how stupid things can get.

It seems to be all in vogue to use automated response nowadays. But when all they provide you is information you could have easily got of their website, and actual help can only be found when you stumble and press for 'English assistance' it is downright annoying.

I mean are they retarded or what? If I had fucking wanted to know something off the website, I would have just read it. And directing me to their website for 'further information' must be the new height of idiocy. Not even the fact that I went and blew my Ib results by getting myself unnecesarily distracted this year could top that on the list of top 100 annoyances.

I mean, how the fuck else did they expect me to find their phone number if I hadn't at least seen the website?

When you try your best but you don't succeed,
When you get what you want but not what you need,
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep,
Stuck in reverse?

And the tears come treaming down your face,
When you lose something you can't replace,
When you love someone but it goes to waste,
Could it be worst?

First off, I would like to again underline that I am running out of patience with C________, for making me wait so damn long. C________ if you are reading this, note that a reply has better come soon, or you would be hard pressed to make me consider your offers. When that comes.

I need to get a job and my old school is unable to take me back. I always expected getting a job to be a breeze. Apparently, it isn't. Right now, I am contemplating being a tutor, which would probably get me more $$$. But it makes me feel whore-ish. Somehow.

I mean, you meet someone, spend a couple of hours doing something mildly interesting and then get paid in cash for it.

I was describing being a tutor by the way.

For making me wait, C_________, fuck you.

Yay its the new year.
Let's hope it turns out to be better than the last one.

Because walking around in shoes has caused my feet to start to blister, I have decided to stay home today. I have subsisted on a diet of high fibre biscuits and have not had a proper meal since lunch yesterday.

Living alone isn't easy ><

I just realised I hate December but this is somewhat offset by Christmas. December is such a bleak month, when you realize that its the end of the road, when you realize that the year is in its death throes and you think of everything you wanted to do at the start of the year and failed.

Well this is the end of the road. Next year would never be the same again. I am burying, together with this year, a whole lot of dreams of the future, memories of the past and illusions of the present. Quite frankly, this year has been horrible.

Unless my luck changes in whats left of it.

This blog deals with trivialities, because it acknowledges that any attempt to define intangible experiences and thoughts renders them trivial. In a way, this is much less trivial than it seems, because seeking to grapple with those issues somehow cheapens and devalues them. Some ideas should be left in the realms of vague thoughts, emotions and memories because the binding of such thoughts into words and concrete entities obscures, rather than illuminates.

Hence, there are two types of posts on this blog: the world weary ones, which are bad posts, sinc ethey can never capture the enormity of the subject being expressed and merely leaves the readers baffled, and the ones that deal with nonsense. Which are readable.

I have no idea which type this one falls into. I think I might be just bored.

Due to website maintenance on the Ucas page, I am pretty sure Cambridge rescinded their offer and now I am left with only Bristol and Kcl. Bummer.

On another note, why the hell am I getting offers that are subject to my English grades. I mean what the hell its not like I can't speak english or anything. And I applied for physics.

To hell with them. Nus is a jolly good school, I say.

My Ucas Track status has finally been updated after three weeks of agonizing inactivity and the server is.

Very conveniently under service.

Dammit why couldn't they let me check my offers? I mean, Cambridge might have offered me a 34 point conditional offer which would expire by tomorrow. Or something like that.

On a somewhat-but-not-entirely-related note, I was at an education fair, in Malaysia. Some fellow from Nus told me that admission to medicine does not discriminate based on nationality, which I suppose is a polite way of saying that a Singaporean would get in more easily, but only slightly more so. He also assured me that I would need at least 45 points to have a fair shot at getting in. Now forgive me if my logic is a bit rusty but I think the argument would proceed along the lines :

Premise 1 : I need at least 45 points to get into medicine
Premise 2 : Admission requirements are the same, regardless of nationality, which brings us to ..

Conclusion 1 : Everyone needs 45 points to get into medicine

Conclusion 2: No one is bloody getting into Nus medicine

Alternative Conclusion 2 : The guy is a jackass

You decide.

I'll be moving soon, I am already on my way,
This place is fond, but I doubt I'll be here to stay.

Thank you Abramovich!

Okay I had reservations about you when you first came into the game. You bought Chelsea and poured in enough money to fund a small country's development. You brought in one of the best managers in the game and made Man Utd into a bit part player in the English game.

But I was wrong about you. I was happy when you insisted that Shev be played, even more unbelievably grateful when you sacked Mourinho.

And if Mourinho becomes the England coach and they win the next World Cup, I'll send you a personal thank you note okay?

I am a pussy. I would rather not do something, than to try very hard at it and then fail. I run away from almost every fight there is, and make it a point never to fight someone else's fight. I prefer pretending that problems don't exist and gloss over it, than to acknowledge and try solve them, which is why I can be such a consummate procrastinator.

But for some reason, I am compulsively obsessed with the idea of being successful in life, with making it. I know I can walk away from it now, under the guise of not actually giving a dime about money, and wealth and success. That might even mean that I am just being honest with myself, because all that have never really mattered. Not yet, anyway. I have always wanted to get a simple job, settle down and live life out as unobstrusively as I possibly could.

But I can't. For some reason, I need to find out if I actually have it in me to make it. I don't believe in the system, but I need to know that I can walk away from it, not because I am afraid of getting beaten, not because i am just sour grapes. I need to know if I am actually good enough, or if I am just another fake believing I-am-better-than-you but who cowers behind their feigned indifference to material success because they don't actually achieve anything.

This is the only thing I have really demanded from mysel so far, and I am mind-numbingly afraid that I might just not make the cut after all.

And if I laugh, 'tis that I may not weep.

What absurd nonsense.

There is always some sort of construction work going around in my neighbourhood. It used to be two streets away, but there is some sort of renovation going on just a few blocks down recently. If you are wondering why I took notice, it is because I was on my way to the gym todayand I had to walk pass the site, and I inhaled enough carbon monoxide etc from the vehicles there that a doctor may be excused for thinking that I am a chain smoker.

That is probably the reason why I can't run anymore. It is definitely not the six months of inactivity that has done it; its the goddamn smoke.

I ended up not running today because I figured it wouldn't be any good, with all the tar and carbon monoxide in my lungs. Which means that I have only done 1.2 km.

In two days.

It is slightly below the 10 km I expected myself to run.

I think I have figured why there are so many emo blogs.

It is easier.

I know this blog has become very heavy and world weary of late. But that's okay because Statcounter regularly sends me updates to remind me that no one reads it. I am starting to suspect that there is something wrong with the tracker. I know I read this blog pretty regularly, for one. But I digress.

But anyway now that I have decided to do a normal post, I realized. I. Can't. Dammit.

Gawd I wish I have a reason to be all emo now.

/ wrists

Cleaning up my closet

Some version of this takes place at the end of every semester, but this one is of particular note, because I am moving out of boarding and probably Singapore for good. My room was in an understandable state of mess, given that I have not been there for about a month or so, but the troublesome part wasn't clearing the large loads of books, or clothing; those were easy enough. It was much more difficult sorting out the small things, deciding whether or not they are worht keeping, or whether, having faithfully served and braved the past four years with me, they are now to be consigned to the trashbin of the past.

I decided to throw away most of the stuff. Partly because it is really time to move on; partly because I am too lazy to carry the stuff back home. And also partly because it would have been too heavy to carry even if I weren't anyway.

It was amazing how fast the past few years have been. The stationery set from India by Mrs R just before I came over; I kept that. It was a reminder of times past.

The letter from you; I am sorry I lost it. I also lost my phone and with it whatever saved messages that had been in it. The emails have been archived and put out of sight, perhaps for sometime in the future when I can look back at all this and smile.

There were some files from my sec 3 days, I think it was IHS. It was a crappy subject, I was horrible at it. So I threw that away.

The worksheets in my room had probably cost at least a dozen trees and many a sleepless night for environmentalists. Those too, I threw. The programme is behind me now, I have little use for them.

My old com died too. With the chatlogs, documents. Small things I can't remember and probably will not miss. Not much anyway.

The book, I kept. I need to learn how to be idle in the coming months after all.

I also pruned my contact list sometime on the same day. It would save me a lot of mental disturbance. I thought I would feel horrible because that meant that that would be it. But I felt light after that. And unburdened. And now I no longer have to worry about having my mood spoiled because of you signing in.

Words are the only things that I find unnecessary to settle at this time. Everything I need to say I have said. If it makes you feel any better, I meant every word I have ever said.

But those too, I have thrown away.

Guess what

I screwed geog up. Big surprise.

When I think of geog I think of _____ and ______.

So, I am sorry Mr. ____. I am sorry _____.

Actually, no wait. Fuck you both.

After IB

What then?

I just learnt that an object can disintegrate if it spins too fast. oO. Head spinning stuff. Literally

No daughter of mine is gonna learn ballet

Sometimes you go through life expecting to see signs that human intelligence is not an entirely fictitious entity, but I must confess to being more than slightly disappointed in this respect.

People can be astoundingly stupid. The fact that some people believe Harry Potter should not be read by Christians because it contains the word magic, proves my point.

I mean for God's sake its a children's book. It is harmless and before you try to convince me otherwise, please note that your efforts would probably be better spent on a tree.

Then, there are people who would not participate in games of chance, because its random. Wtf? I can understand if you don't want to gamble, but more does not equal better and abstaining from games just because it has an element of chance just makes you look stupid. Really

Can I take a slice of time and keep it forever, please?

Giggs fucking sucks. He should have been out of the line up two years ago.

English Paper 2 is killing me.

Karan thinks that I am too much of a science student to do it. He broke it down for me and now according to him I am doing much better, because it is easier to see things in parts. Kind of like how a mechanic work I suppose.

But I think I am too much of a Chinese to be able to do lit. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed Siddhartha. But the thought of spending one and a half hours putting my thoughts down into words, for a critical appraisal of the book is, frankly, very unappealing. It requires too much cerebration, and it doesn't bring much good either. If I understand the book a certain way, and you disagree, you will find that I am not very much inclined to prove you wrong, or to even defend my own stance, which is a typically Chinese sentiment.

Science is different. I like it no better than Siddhartha, but I can always find out where I went wrong and correct it quite easily. I wonder if that is because I am Chinese too.

Tomorrow

we fight

To be truthful, I am scared. Mind-numbingly so.

The babbling, incoherent fear inside me manifests itself in my gross-overeating, obsessive-compulsive browsing of books, soccernet, blogs. I guess I am trying to do everything I can to distract myself from the fact that I am going to be up against the most important exam so far in my life. While being the least prepared.

Okay fine so I brought this upon myself. I fucked around, and fucked up (abit), this year. But no one told me that the marks are going to be released!

I am scared

Just got back from Cambridge interview. Didn't go to well. Shan't elaborate. Am currently indulging in gross over-eating to console myself.

Why is the only university writing to me, Bristol?

I should have been studying but instead I spent it reading the blog of a very frustrated teacher.

Still it was good to know that there are still people out there who can speak the truth, the way they see it and without any unnecessary embellishments. I am tired of everything that we do now, where everything we do seem to be magnified into acts of national salvation. I mean like, seriously. No one fucking studies for the glory of the institution; I am doing it because I have to in order to get my diploma so that I have a decent shot at getting into a uni.

I realised that we, as a generation, have heads considerably bigger than our shoulders. This may have something to do with all the dressing up we do. We are all star students, excellent leaders, agile sportsman. We do not have to be the best, but we all believe that we are entitled, that we are born to inherit the best of this world. Frankly, all this is rather disgusting.

To tell you the truth, I am quite sick of having to write that I am a motivational leader just because I was in the class committee. Truth is, I am mediocre when it comes to leadership, and I can't play most sports to save my life. This doesn't mean I am no good at life, but I am hardly the inspirational leader that my testimonial professes I am. But at least give me credit for not believing in that crap eh?

So there you have it. I wish I could tell this to the universities I am applying to and tell them to go shove it when they reject me.

Techno can be sweet. My split personality just has no taste.

On an unrelated note, I think I screwed up my TSA pretty bad today. I had one and a half hour for the multiple choice questions and half an hour for the essay question. I looked at the essay question : What is gravity and freaked out so I skipped right to it before going through my first paper. And I found out that I could not get back to it.

Anyway, Cambridge if you are reading this, you should note that the test should not be taken as a measure of my ability. You really should be accepting me by the way. Really.

Somewhere in my heart I am always dancing with you in the summer rain

Ahhhh!

I have my Thinking Skills Assessment tomorrow, my Cambridge interview on Monday. And my final IB exams in slightly more than a week's time. Why didn't anyone tell me that IB marks will be released?!

/wrists

If you have ever wondered why I seem to be so singularly lacking in any sort of outward ambition, or drive, here is the reason:

I think I am better than you. And most other people for that matter.

What? You didn't quite catch that?. Okay again then.

I am better than you.

Call me an arrogant prick, but you know deep down that I am not the only one who thinks this way. I am just not such a firm believer in hypocrisy, so I would rather speak my mind.

The reason why I do not speak about what I want to do in such glowing terms, like you and most other people do, is because I don't believe in it. I scorn those people, which has now, sadly, come to include you, who can see nothing more than getting into a good university, going out and making money, leaving a mark on this world, doing something. I know I am better than that, that I am more than all the money I make in my lifetime, all the A's I get, the cars and houses I buy. I scorn your pettiness and selfishness, and unwillingness to see beyond your immediate competition, because none of that should matter if you were good enough. I take your selfishness to be a sign of inferiority; an inability to concede advantage, and still be good enough to come out on top.

Maybe I am deluding myself with a false sense of superiority. I don't know. That's why I am going to spend my life chasing all those things that people like you worship : money, power, success, possibly fame. Not because they mean anything to me, but because I think I am good enough to still beat you at your own game, even when I don't believe in it. That's why I appear to be such a superficial fuck, and that's why I laugh at those people who tell me that I should never choose a career for the money. I want to get all these, and then throw them all away, but not to prove myself to you, or to anyone else. I don't need your approval, and in case you are wondering, I have never really worked for it, no matter what you may think.

That's why being good, being the best, has been important. Not because I think grades are a good measure of your ability. But because I believe that I am good enough to be up there, even when I know that this system is a joke. I can't quit the game, or try and convince you to, but I know that I can get good at it, for nothing more than being good at it. And at the end of the day, I want to be able to waltz to those very things most people would work their whole lives for, because its not just enough to get them, you have to make it look easy on the way as well.

And if I don't make it, I will just have to accept that I am not good enough.

I just did it. Its turned dusty. But my com doesn't feel right now that it is not propped up.

Facebook hates me. I can't seem to get into the Anglo-Chinese Indep. network.

Also on a more serious note, I think I have lost my sense of balance in life. I have resolved to remove the copy of Lin Yutang which is being used to prop my com up to avoid over-heating, and start reading it again.

I like the new blog layout. It seems much less cluttered. And more organized. Which amounts to the same thing I suppose.

Anyway, I hate my daily routine. I wake up, go to school, study, have lunch, study again, dinner, come back and sleep. Its disgusting. I think that it reduces me to studying, and satisfying my basic needs. Which seems like a very animal thing to do. Somehow.

Will elaborate when I get my thoughts straight.

Please don't let me fall sick now. I should not even be awake now, but my stomach is turning in that strange way that is reminiscent of the feeling you get when you unwittingly fill it up with a bit too much alcohol than you strictly should.

I personally think it has something to do with my acne medication; it is either my antibiotics acting up, or because I applied the gel, which smells strongly of alcohol.

Stuffed myself with three pieces of bread and am continuing to do so in the hopes of avoiding throwing up.

Am going to fall sick soon. Can feel it in my bones. Or maybe its just because I am staying in too much these days. At any rate, studying, at least the way I am doing it now, is definitely unhealthy.

My days are now spent oscillating between the bed, where I read, and the computer.

Note to self : do not leave it to the last minute ever again.

Haagen Dazs ice cream is awesome.

I have henceforth decided that I shall be entirely self-sufficient because it is time to move on and forget. If you think I am being shallow, you have the right to go fuck yourself.

I should be back in boarding but I am not

Since there is a flurry of blog posts and facebook activity dedicated to the last day of school, I feel compelled to drop a short note here, just in case my wandering twenty years from now leads me to wondering how I felt on the last day of my school life.

I should have written this out on Friday, but it takes time for the whole thing to sink down and for me to distill its essence, to be put down in words. I am not saying I am able to do it even now, but I'll give it a go.

Without actually being incredibly melodramatic, I must say that I would miss most of the things I have been doing for the past four years. The idea that all that is irreversibly, irrevocably, gone, is hard to swallow, and slightly weird, because I can't imagine mysef starting all over again.

You know how sometimes you get the feeling that it is the right time to end something? It has been four years since I am here. Most of the people I knew when I first came are gone, and that is quite a fair bit of people. PC left last year, Mdm T will be leaving at the end of this year, the last of my senior will be leaving at the end of this year as well. I probably would not have recognized this school or maybe even myself, four years ago. I don't know what I am holding on to.

I have been tired and cranky for the past two days, and after being really honest with myself, I realised that what I miss most about the school would probably be you.

And also, to be really honest, I have been really disappointed with how you have turned out to be. I thought you would be different. I still think you would be different. If you are readinng this, I want you to know that no matter how much you may think I have changed, I am still the boy you knew sometime last year. The only solace I have now is that I would never have to see you again after this and I would ( hopefully ) be able to forget.

I hope you would be able to do everything you have told me you wanted to do. Or not.

Because frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

You should have seen this coming for some time now.
All that stuff about being able to do well without appearing to try too hard, or even appearing to try at all; even you could not have been conceited enough to believe that, could you?
Shove your conceit and condescension in the trash , because right now, you have no claims to having done well at all. Go ahead and try stare your disappointment down. You won't, because you know that it is much more than just failing one paper. Its about everything you believe in; its about accepting that you are not as good as you think you are.
So what are you going to do about it?
You have alway prided yourself in being able to pull things out of the pocket at times like these, so here is the chance to prove yourself right or wrong, once and for all. You have always believed that you have that extra bit that allows you to cut the corners and still get through fine. You have always believed that you have the will and determination to pull yourself out of anything you might have gotten yourself into in the first place. Well, ditch that facade of superiority, until you have got yourself out of this.
So stop wallowing in your self pity and disappointment. Truth is, you will just have to slog as hard as some other people to get where you want. You have never believed in pounding an issue, and you have had your chance to prove yourself right, but you failed. You have one final opportunity some time next month.

You better make good the next time.

hi.

today is tuesday.

there are four plus weeks left.

no, wait, there are six plus weeks left.

focus, dammit.

I used to love Fridays, because they were ours.

I know it doesn't mean anything to you anymore.

But you will still remember right? How we used to be Friday people?

When the dark comes rising six shall turn it back

I personally think that altruistic actions are a little bit over-hyped. No one can be seriously altruistic. Everyone seems to want to die for a cause because it is a brave thing to do, but I think it takes an even braver man to see things as what they are and choose not to die for a newspaper-manufactured, gin-induced cause.

The world has ran out of causes to die for a long time ago.

I know my posts have been very sloppy of late. It is almost cringeworthy, which is to say a lot, since I don't normlly cringe at anything I have written within the last three years. Although that may have something to do with the fact that I have not, in fact, been writing a lot in the last three years.
But give me the credit for at least keeping things simple. Inscrutability is the new vogue nowadays, and what could beat being incomprehensible as well? It is after all, so cool to be writing something that no one understands but you. Forgive me for asking, but why do some people bother writing at all?

WSOP

Okay you just have to watch this video. I couldn't find a way to post this video without logging in, so you would just have to follow the link.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=4mwcgwC35bc&mode=related&search=

But, for cheek, you just can't beat Helmuth who lucked out against pocket aces:

I can dodge bullets, baby.

we have had no rights, we have had no say, and we long to be free one day.

Okay this is really pathetic. I have been too lazy to update the blog for some time now and I realized that I hve been visiting my own blog regularly in the hope that a new post would miraculously appear.

It might have too, if it weren't for the fact that my split personality is just as lazy as I am.

Now that IOC is over, normality resumes. Also, because my com died from a virus attack, I am free to spend some time updating my blog now.

Anyway my brain is not in full working order, so I shall fill in the rest of the post some time later.

hi,

this is an update.

go figure.

Cigar Ashes

1. There is no such thing as a moral book, or an immoral book. Books are well-written, or badly written. That's all.

2. Some people turn everything into moral issues. As someone once observed, consummate moralizers who see the world as a life-and-death struggle between forces of evil and good will live to die many times.

3. Seriousness is over-rated. It is a sign of laboriousness and incomplete mastery.

4. A man is light and at ease when he is able to do the things he wishes to do, serious when he is trying to do some of the things he wishes to do, and moral and self-righteous when he is able to do nothing at all.

5. Virtue is the last refuge of the inept.

6. If angels can fly, it is only probably because they take themselves so lightly.

I feel that it is appriopriate for me to blog about something to celebrate the end of exams. I shall list my thoughts in my mind at the moment, not in any particula order of significance :

1. I am very tired but for some reason i do not feel like sleeping.
2. I blew quite alot of money on a pair of trousers and a shirt. Felt guilty but they were really nice!
3. I hope the exams would turn out fine
4. I am very tired but for some reason i do not feel like sleeping.
5. I wish life would be less complicated
6. I wish Blogger would remember me, so i do not have to sign in everytime i feel like blogging
7. I think transformers was pretty good
8. I like Swensen's ice cream
9. I am having a very bad acne outbreak =(
10. I am going to have to see a skin specialist soon
11. I seem to be going to town very frequently for some reason or other lately
12. Whats with 07.07.07? Everyone seems to have it on their msn nicks. If you are making an obscure reference to something, isn't it at least common courtesy to show people what it is about?

This blog is becoming increasingly flipant, but that's okay, because serious topics were exhausted a long time ago.

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On Loafing (II)

p.s. the below mentioned loafing tips only work if you are TKM. For the rest of us, we've to slog.

nuff' said.

On Loafing (I)

I realized that there has not been a single post on idling/ loafing on this blog despite its (rather) pointed title. So I have decided to distill and condense the finer points of idling since I have nothing else to do right now:

1. Idling is only fun when you are actually supposed to be doing something else which is far more important. I have observed this curious trend because I do not find lying on the bed after exams half as enjoyable as it was before exams. I can only assume that this is because fleeting moments appear more precious. This is the same reason why I am a little unenthusiastic about the idea of an eternal heaven, because I suspect that it won't be as great as it is made out to be when we have to spend an eternity there.

2. Afternoon naps are a good way to past time, especially on weekdays, and are infinitely sweeter than sleeping at night. You should not be determined to sleep, because for some reason I sleep better if i fall asleep doing something else. I can only assume that this is again, the forbidden fruit effect ( see above). Get on the bed, read a history/English / math /whatever textbook ( Geog usually does the trick for me), and you will find yourself drifting into sleep without any consciousnes and any effort.

3. I always study on my bed. As such, my studying periods are always leisurely, as I can conveniently fall asleep whenever I am tired. The computer on which I am typing this out is on the table next to my bed, for the same reason. It would be so much better if the room is cool and you are snugly tucked in a blanket, but sometimes you can't ask for too much, i.e, boarding school.

4. If you are furiously trying to keep yourself awake when reading your notes, you are much better off asleep anyway. There is no point reading when you are tired; it is seldom enjoyable and never effective. Don't berate yourself for idling, you are just practising sound hygiene.

5. Forget about study schedules. They are too regimented and destroy the pleasure you get from idling besides( especially when you allocate a certain time to rest). I personally find it so much better to rest whenever I feel like, and then study. Study schedules might be more effective, but it is effective in the same way mass production lines and fast-food chains are effective. Which is to say, I don't agree with it.

6. Since this is also somewhat related to the subject of revising for exams (since that is when I end up idling the most) I feel obliged to address it. I do not see why people insist on sitting up when studying. I personally feel that the most natural position to be in when reading a book is to be on my bed, under a blanket. I have never done otherwise, unless absolutely necessary, i.e school. It is silly to assume that sitting up forces you to concentrate ( in the same way, I suppose, some people go to libraries to study). If you have to be forced to concentrate, you probably should not be studying at that time anyway.

There are certainly more, perhaps I'll address this question further when something comes to me because I am too lazy to think right now.

P.S. There is a rumour going around that I am a bum who sits around doing nothing. I would beg to differ. I actually do study, and quite a fair bit too (on my bed, that is, but that is a matter of personal preference). Its just that I don't study 'like a horse', because I think studying like a human being, i.e four to five hours a day, is quite enough.

9 things i could be doing instead of studying :

1. blogging. that alone should be sufficient to convince you that i should not be studying
2. reading books that i really like instead of books i really should like
3. going out
4. surfing youtube.
5. sleeping. i can't seem to get enough sleep nowadays. weird

I really can't think of anything else although if you are able to come up with any suggestions on how my time could have been better spent, feel free to leave comments.

This is so interesting that i just have to write something about it. The following is a list of Premier League and La Liga Champions over the past few years.

• 2007 : Man Utd , Real Madrid
• 2006 : Chelsea, Barcelona
• 2005 : Chelsea, Barcelona
• 2004 : Arsenal, Valencia
• 2003 : Man Utd, Real Madrid
• 2002 : Arsenal, Valencia
• 2001 : Man Utd, Real Madrid

I don't know what you might be thinking, but that looks like a suspiciously strong correlation between EPL and La Liga champions. Someone cleverly noted that Liverpool must be tied to Athletico Madrid or something, and as such, are still waiting for their day. =)

So maybe that's why alex ferguson decided to ship nistelrooy off cheap.

hats off to the zebras

Greetings netizens.

It seems that the class has a somewhat vague interest in british humour, so here's my contribution to the greater good (and my long awaited update).

George Bush (to some random british minister): So what state is Wales in?

some random british minister: Terrible.


funny innit?


Anyway if you aren't satisfied, there's always Bill Bailey.
Hats off to the zebras
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8wj6qoGVOs

Okay so I finally did some studying. I feel that I deserve to rant and vent my frustrations on this blog.

Mid years are coming up in exactly two weeks and i havent actually studied since last year.. which is bad ... What is worse is that i don't have a large chunk of notes that i should be studying from. ARGGHHH

Anyway i realised that there is no point telling anyone about this since its a lose-lose situation. If i do well enough, people point out to me that i always get my pre-exams predictions wrong ( i paid a heavy price for it too last year, but that's another story). And if i don't nobody is going to care that i finally got it right. Damn

There was apparently a flurry of activity on this blog last week, after my split personality posted, which I think is distinctly unfair because I never ever get responses like that. Possibly, my split personality keeps on loading the same page =P

On another note I found out that Moschino is actually pronounced Mos-keeno, instead of well. Mos-chino. Embarassing. Reminds me of the time I used to think fusilli was pronounced fusilla. No one at Coffee Bean bothered correcting me =(

China was quite horrible. There was apparently some kind of water poisoning or something, so the water tasted and smelt like crap.

Two more weeks of the hols to go and I have not even started studying... I am going to die die die

so last week we had a enoch class gathering.

you think there's ever gonna be a exodus gathering 2 years after we head out separate ways?

think harder.

dead

ahh therein lies the genius of my split personality.

if i don't post, he'll be vindicated. if i post, he'd still be vindicated..


hence the title.


btw, im back.

I will be leaving for China in about eight hours time, and I will not be back until 10 June, which means that my split personality will bear the burden of trying to keep this blog alive in the meantime. Which also means that the blog will probably die. In the meantime.

Its more of a pilgrimage trip, not really a holiday, so I am not sure how this will turn out. On the other hand, it would give me some much needed respite.

I just realised that things cannot be 'worked on'. Its a much too simplistic approach to things, perpetuated by believers of hard work and grit. But I suppose life is much subtler than that, and some things aren't going to be put right, no matter how hard we try.

But I still have a trip to look forward too, and then six more months in school. I hope it will be a blast.

oh bugger..

we lost.

My split personality had a fifteen minute headstart in typing out a post and I still beat him to it.
>.<

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

Life is unfair...

I have only been off antibiotics for less than a week and I am having another acne outbreak >.<

This will probably be one of my last posts, and if you have been observant, you could probably have seen this coming some time back. Blogging, which used to be quite a pleasure a year ago, has ceased to interest me anymore, because it is inextricably linked to a period I have no wish of reminding myself now.

This blog has been an expression of my thoughts for the past year, but something I have always been guilty of is my belief that words, words, words are sufficient, when sometimes it really is best to keep silent.

I am not saying that I did not have a darned good time, but I cannot recapture that feeling and it probably is best to let go. So as my blogging draws to a close, I would like you to know that my final note is not one of bitterness, or resentment, but rather of gratitude, despite whatever happened, or may happen, because I do think that you have done more for me than I have been able to do for you, even if you don't realize.

I am also sorry that I have not done more, and that I cannot do more. I can only hope that you have the grace to forgive, and hopefully not forget. Not entirely. I think I still have the tendency, even now, to believe that I can somehow make an effort to make everything right again, that if I try hard enough and offer a helping hand, I can get it back on track. But I think we both know nothing is going to come out of it.

So to all my imaginary readers out there and to you, if you are reading this, adios. I hope we are all headed to a happier place. =)

I have not posted for such a long time that I took a while to recall the password to the blog. My prolonged absence from blogging is not, as you would expect, due to school work. I do have EE, TOK and a geog field study, but I won't put it past myself to take the time to blog even if i have tonnes of work left undone, if I felt like it.

Its due to the conspicuous lack of anything interesting to blog about, because everything seems so worn out, everything seems so tired, so uninteresting. I suppose things will change, and they had better do, because I really cannot see why so many people would want to live 'a good long life' if this is all they are getting.

to celebrate our first century of posts, as well as to usher in the new year, me and my split personality my split personality and i bring to you a special co-post. If you find this a little confusing, that is probably because you have not been sticking around often enough and you are welcome to change that. to all our faithful readers with nothing to do, here goes.

-----

fine, i concede defeat. most likely man u will win this season's league (nono, no cup), seeing how chelsea are so over-reliant on two people (much like man u and liverpool dont you think?). Thank you, thank you =). Although to be fair, Man Utd did throw away a title back when Rio ferdinand was banned for, uhh, missing a drug test.

happy new year, and all the best to all those with crucial exams next year sorry this year.

on an unhappier note, the recent influx of posts will most likely end w.e.f. now. since we have achieved our target (set as of 4 days ago) of 100 posts by the new year, and with those darned assessments coming up, farewell. Unless, of course, you love this blog so much that you would like to volunteer to finish those darned assignments for us, just so we'll update this blog regularly. In which case we will definitely not disappoint, but we would like to check out the assignments first, thank you.

no la, we'll be posting regularly (just how regular is up to us), so yes, please continue to visit us. even from canada and/or india. But do drop us a note. Just so we know =)

Another year passes, and will soon be consigned to dusty annals of forgotten defeats, faded triumphs and lost relationships.

So ring out the old, ring in the new, ring, happy bells, across the snow.
The year is going, let her go.

Ring out, ring out the old and ring in the new.

Back from a gargantuan dinner which left me considerably happier, and heavier too I suspect.

I have less than two hours to finish off whatever I still have left undone this year.

But I think I am going to spend it lying on my bed.

I'll be off for dinner in about half an hour's time, and the next time I will be returning would be sometime next year.

And okay fine, my split personality wins. L'pool do have five European titles to Man Utd's two, and they did come from three goals down to win their fifth, and latest, title.

Also, their last treble came in 2001, two years after Man Utd's. It consisted, if I am not wrong, of the Uefa Cup, FA cup and uhh the league.

cup.

ninety-six.

school starts in three days.

ahh wells, while i admire my split personality's courage to compare current standings, i would like to remind him that the last english team to win in europe was liverpool. also, the last english team to win the FA cup was liverpool. alas, chelsea spoilt it all by sweeping the league.

wait a minute, the last trophy man u won was the league!

cup.

Uggh, this is the last day of the year and we are only on our 95rd post ! Which means that We have about, twelve hours for four more posts.

Anyway, on a more cheerful note .... Chelsea drew !

Liverpool and Manchester both got the wins they needed, so my split personality and I will probably be happier for what is left of the year.

Although I suspect i might be a wee bit happier, because Liverpool are currently still ..... ( refer to previous post) . =)

Yay I got my laptop back ! Good bye to languishing in boredom with nothing to do and hello to, uhhh. Languishing in boredom.

Anyway, when I learned about this website, the first title I typed in was, unsurprisingly, The Importance of Living, by a certain LinYutang. And it turns out that only one member of LibraryThing has it. One.

Absolutely scandalous.

I like my split personality's admirable online rendition of 'You'll Never Walk Alone'.

I would also like to remind him that Liverpool are currently a mere 16 points away from the team at the top of the table, which happens to be....

Oh. Manchester United. =)

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone


Walk on, walk on,
You'll NEVER walk alone...

While i am not too particularly eager to countdown to the new year and what come may, i am counting down to another milestone in 3 days.

looking back at the past year, 2006 hasn't been that a memorable year as it should have been. what do i remember about it? not much...maybe the only thing i can take away is that i've learnt to cherish people more.



move on? move on your si nang tao la

When one is absolutely bored, as I was earlier today because my com chose the most inappropriate time to act up and crash, it is interesting to note who actually visits one's blog.

That a sizeable amount of hits is credited to, yours truly, is no big shock, since I suspect that my split personality and I are the blog's biggest fans, something, which rather unfortunately, is unlikely to change anytime soon.

I also found out that the blog was viewed thrice by someone in India in the last month, and once by someone in Canada, which is slightly more interesting news. I can only assume that my friend in India is similarly bored and has to resort to blog surfing to alleviate his boredom, but as for the one in Canada, I cannot think of anyone there whom I know and would visit the blog. I suppose that it must be a random Canadian who happened to stumble upon this blog, although it is rather embarassing to note that he has never returned since. But feel free to correct me if you happen to be the one from Canada and you happen to know me. or my split personality.

After being unceremoniously dumped out of my own blog, i am back with a vengeance. not.

it seems that a earthquake in south taiwan has killed two, and if that isnt shocking enough, damaged undersea cables and the internet. yes, the internet.

oh well, my christmas went alright, i guess im becoming sorta luke-ish recently, more of that when im really back with a vengeance.


not.

And all i want for Christmas is.....





Not telling.

'Twas the night before Christmas

I feel compelled to post a little more than usual this week, because I probably will not have much time after school starts.

Christmas is two days away, and I can't wait for all this eager anticipation to blow over and culminate into, yet again, indifferent disappointment.

On another note, my split personality is currently being kept out of his own blog, because I erroneously upgraded this blog to the new version using my gmail account. This means that he has a legitimate excuse to slack and not post, while I have to shoulder the dual responsibility of posting and figuring how to change the blog back to its old self. If anyone has any ideas on how I can revert back to the old version, that would make for a nice Christmas present.

I am back in Malaysia for what is left of the holidays, and I will hopefully be able to start on my EE.

As strange as it may sound, I am actually glad for the holidays, even if the better part of it was spent lying on bed. Plus, Christmas, which has always been my favourite time of the year, is coming soon, and this year's festive season has been spiced with the thrill of scouring Orchard Rd for bargains with my friend after kettling for Salvation Army. If that doesn't ring any bell for you, that's fine, because I have been doing just that for the past week, and trust me, it is not very pleasant at all.

Anyway, I figured that the most delightful aspect of getting anything is the anticipation. Stuff on display always look very good until the moment you pay for it and bring it back home, at which it ceases to interest you as much as you swear it did.

In the same way, I suppose, some things have ceased to interest me anymore, simply by being there again, after a long absence. I don't know if I am being fickle, although I suspect that this affliction is more widespread than it seems. Maybe it is hard-wired into the human psyche to strive for anything out of reach, but whatever it is, some things have become a lot less tantalising than it seemed, three weeks ago.

I am feeling strangely liberated because what I had wanted an awful lot for the better part of the year isn't really what I made it out to be. If anyone tells me whether this is a good thing, I will be infinitely obliged to you.

It gives me a great deal of satisfaction to note that this blog is actually fully functioning, despite the fact tha we are now on holiday. Anyway, it puzzles me that some blogs claim to be on a hiatus due to the holidays - I was always under the impression that you can blog more during the hols since you have nothing else to do, but oh, clearly I was wrong.

Went out yesterday, and although the occasion itself was pretty good, I didn't really have much fun. I think sometimes you find yourself at crossroads, having to take one but always wishing you took the other.

I guess that when you reach a fork, you have to take it.

ali G...hell yeah!

Ali G to some homeland security prof dude

"Could it be possible to work with the terrororist to say: yo here's a building we gonna demolish anyway, go have your fun with it and do whatever you want...just dont touch the other ones"

"Why does you let terrororists fly on the same plane as normal passengers? Why dont you arrange separate flights for terrororists, so if they gonna do this terrible stuff yea, let them ruin their own trip."

"Let's talk about in the airports...you know those machines that beep when you is got coins in your pocket, why dont they develop a machine that beeps if you was carrying a gun?"

"Does they use dogs in airports? Aint the problem though that ninety-nine percent of dogs cant speak english, so how does they let you know who is carrying a bomb?"

It turns out that my previous statement about LinYutang books in print was a gross mistake. I had quite a surprise when a friend told me about having a copy of another one of his book, published some time back, and it was not one of the three I had in mind (which were re-published by Cultured Lotus). I really wasn't expecting to get anything on that list ( which is what Christmas lists are for, since there is absolutely no sense spoiling what would otherwise be a merry season with the disappointment of getting something you have always wanted ).

The problem is that his best works were written in the 1930's, and this one is written after some three decades, and a conversion back to Christianity.

I am not sure if I should take the chance reading the book, and risk getting awfully disappointed.

okay.

so during my latest voyage to down under, i realised (or was made to realise) that aussie tram drivers do have a sense of humour.

WHAT you say..trams?

yep yep, trams (or the idea of it anyway..) apparently just turned 100 years old during my 10 day stay in melbourne. aussies living in the cities or on the outskirts do rely on trams plenty. in fact, just imagine the singapore transport system and switch buses with trams. there ya go.mate.

so back to my point. before you start comparing bus drivers here with tram drivers there (the example given earlier was just an analogy), tram drivers there arent at all grumpy and impolite. rather, they do have a sense of humour. i think.

you see, nearing major streets and all, they are supposed to call out the street name to help and newbie tourist find their way around. something like "next stop, swanston street" kinda thing.

so on my 2nd night there down under, i happened to be on a tram with a tram driver who tried to spice up the ol' borin' sleepy tram ride at 11pm.
.
.
.
"next stop, melbourne university. those of you who dont know where you're going, please come and see me. for those who think you know where you are going, you're already probably lost.

(laughter, then silence...)

seems to me i probably scared you'all eh"

pwns.joo.

What's the best Christmas present you can get?

A broken drum.

You just cant beat it.



sorry

... who were, if there ever were, Princes of Maine, Kings of New England.

My Christmas Wishlist !

Okay since a friend suggested it, a Christmas wishlist actually sounds like a very good idea.
So after much thought, here's mine :

1. a christmas like the one i had in 2002

2. anyone of santa's reindeer. preferably rudolph

3. a selective memory

4. good books

6. good company. would be nice if it comes with good friends as well

6. better games

7. or at least, a laptop which can run the games i am playing now without lagging

8. a good laugh

9. another lin yutang although i seem to already have two out of only three in print now =(

10. a box to keep things worth the space. Oh wait, i already have that..

11. things that are worth the space

12. someone to do my ee, field study and cas.

13. you.

14. just kidding haha.

There. This must be the longest i have ever spent on a blog post. Santa will have a tough job sorting this list out though. What a pity.

So we are already halfway through what should be one of our last end-of-year holidays and although i have not been up to anything of note ( read : yet to work on ee, cas and field study ), i wish time would slow down a little. I realize that about this time next year, i would already have parted ways with most of the people i have come to know, and like, which is, by itself, a terrifying prospect.

As much as i would like to avoid dealing with things like these, there are just some stuff that you cannot ignore, try as you might. Like how James Bond inevitably ends up with the hottest girls in any show he stars in. I have always wondered why he has not already pipped Genghis Khan to the dubious honour of being the planet's most biologically successful man, but the new movie sheds some light onto this point of contention. Turns out that Fleming cleverly arranged for Bond to be castrated by the bad guy in the very first book he wrote to avoid any unnecessary complications.

I had actually wanted to post something serious, but then i gave up halfway because it was just too damn much of a trouble. At least credit me for having the intent though.