If you have ever wondered why I seem to be so singularly lacking in any sort of outward ambition, or drive, here is the reason:

I think I am better than you. And most other people for that matter.

What? You didn't quite catch that?. Okay again then.

I am better than you.

Call me an arrogant prick, but you know deep down that I am not the only one who thinks this way. I am just not such a firm believer in hypocrisy, so I would rather speak my mind.

The reason why I do not speak about what I want to do in such glowing terms, like you and most other people do, is because I don't believe in it. I scorn those people, which has now, sadly, come to include you, who can see nothing more than getting into a good university, going out and making money, leaving a mark on this world, doing something. I know I am better than that, that I am more than all the money I make in my lifetime, all the A's I get, the cars and houses I buy. I scorn your pettiness and selfishness, and unwillingness to see beyond your immediate competition, because none of that should matter if you were good enough. I take your selfishness to be a sign of inferiority; an inability to concede advantage, and still be good enough to come out on top.

Maybe I am deluding myself with a false sense of superiority. I don't know. That's why I am going to spend my life chasing all those things that people like you worship : money, power, success, possibly fame. Not because they mean anything to me, but because I think I am good enough to still beat you at your own game, even when I don't believe in it. That's why I appear to be such a superficial fuck, and that's why I laugh at those people who tell me that I should never choose a career for the money. I want to get all these, and then throw them all away, but not to prove myself to you, or to anyone else. I don't need your approval, and in case you are wondering, I have never really worked for it, no matter what you may think.

That's why being good, being the best, has been important. Not because I think grades are a good measure of your ability. But because I believe that I am good enough to be up there, even when I know that this system is a joke. I can't quit the game, or try and convince you to, but I know that I can get good at it, for nothing more than being good at it. And at the end of the day, I want to be able to waltz to those very things most people would work their whole lives for, because its not just enough to get them, you have to make it look easy on the way as well.

And if I don't make it, I will just have to accept that I am not good enough.