I should be back in boarding but I am not

Since there is a flurry of blog posts and facebook activity dedicated to the last day of school, I feel compelled to drop a short note here, just in case my wandering twenty years from now leads me to wondering how I felt on the last day of my school life.

I should have written this out on Friday, but it takes time for the whole thing to sink down and for me to distill its essence, to be put down in words. I am not saying I am able to do it even now, but I'll give it a go.

Without actually being incredibly melodramatic, I must say that I would miss most of the things I have been doing for the past four years. The idea that all that is irreversibly, irrevocably, gone, is hard to swallow, and slightly weird, because I can't imagine mysef starting all over again.

You know how sometimes you get the feeling that it is the right time to end something? It has been four years since I am here. Most of the people I knew when I first came are gone, and that is quite a fair bit of people. PC left last year, Mdm T will be leaving at the end of this year, the last of my senior will be leaving at the end of this year as well. I probably would not have recognized this school or maybe even myself, four years ago. I don't know what I am holding on to.

I have been tired and cranky for the past two days, and after being really honest with myself, I realised that what I miss most about the school would probably be you.

And also, to be really honest, I have been really disappointed with how you have turned out to be. I thought you would be different. I still think you would be different. If you are readinng this, I want you to know that no matter how much you may think I have changed, I am still the boy you knew sometime last year. The only solace I have now is that I would never have to see you again after this and I would ( hopefully ) be able to forget.

I hope you would be able to do everything you have told me you wanted to do. Or not.

Because frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.