This must be first time i have blogged in about two weeks or so, but let me warn you before hand, this is an angsty post, so if you are a particularly loyal fan of this blog, please do not feel obliged to read it, just because it is on my blog. This is in no way a reflection of actual events, and if you take it personally, you are just dumb.

I have had enough of this crap. The last few weeks have not exactly been the most pleasant weeks, and you have not helped one single bit. You complain incessantly about how your life is hellish, how reality is turning into a neverending nightmare... i suppose you might as well throw in a bit of melodrama and complain that it is whirling into a deep abyss the next time. I don't know if this makes you feel that you have the right to attempt to make people go through the same nonsense that you do, but guess what, you don't.

You talk about being tired. So what, everyone else is dammit. It is one thing to feel fatigued and depend on others for support, and quite another to actually use it as an excuse to do whatever you bloody like. So stop wallowing in self-pity, everyone goes through the same thing for god's sake.

My friends tell me that it is my fault, for making you believe that you are somehow always right, and i will have to leave this for you to judge. I suppose i should not be pissed right now, but then you have to excuse me, i think i at least have a right too.

If all you wanted me to do was to wait, i would. I don't know if you ever wanted it to work out, or if you just thought it is nice to have someone waiting on you all the time. Maybe, as you put it, it makes you feel flattered. Wow, congratulations, and i just have to blame myself for being the moron to agree to all this.

The last straw was Wednesday. I really believed things would work out fine up till then, and you really have to give it to me for my naivete. If you are so bloody afraid that i will come barging in any moment and totally ruining your day by embarassing you, then i guess there is no point in pursuing anything. But to be frank, you are the first person i met who thought i was an embarassment to be with, although i cannot pretend to understand your reasoning.

I think the part about trying to make me jealous was totally uncalled for, and i think even you must agree. If you think it is amusing to make someone jealous over you, fuck off, and i am not kidding here. Actually, no matter what your motivations may be, i should have told you to fuck off then - i am not your toy, or your experimental subject. I can't say this about anything else, but if you still think you are right on this issue, i am sorry i have ever known you.

Leave my friends out of this, and i will leave yours out. You tried spoiling a friendship without knowing and i did warn you then not to attempt it again. At least my friends gave you a fair chance, and you brought everything that has happened on yourself. Goddammit, i cant even say the same for some of yours - they didn't even give things a chance . If you still think those friends are nicer than mine, i think you are an absolute idiot, and i don't think too many people will disagree. Except, of course, some of your friends.

Let's not talk about a deeper relationship, you never even treated me as a friend in the first place. Who, or what, exactly do you think i am? So let me get this straight. You call me whenever you are down, and feel like talking to someone, and all your other friends happen to be unavailable at the moment. Actually, I don't even really mind that, but you pushed it too far. I have said that i don't expect you to keep things up if you are feeling tired, which unfortunately, seem to be all the time, but think about it, when have you actually been there for me? Honestly?

I don't know if you realize this, but you actually need commitment for friendships as well. And don't give me that nonsense about not liking commitment. Dammit, who does, actually? But if all you want from a friendship, or any other sort of relationship, for that matter, is someone to turn to when you are down, and if you are not ready to reciprocate, then go screw. Don't get me wrong, i am not pissed that you told me to wait, no actually, i meant, that you said no, because this isn't about that. Someone said you don't treat another human being that way, and i guess i must have been really stupid to believe that it can go deeper, when there isn't a friendship on in the first place.

I have never done this to anyone before, hell, i never even thought i was capable of being so angsty. But i don't feel like keeping it inside any longer, so I guess that's another one for your list of achievements.